Ghosts

Posted in infuriatum, patheticism, subservience

I saw an old ghost in the office today. It was somebody who made a certain chapter of my life extremely miserable. She was the person who taught me how to hate. I know the hatchet should've been buried ages ago, but the friggin' hatchet seems to resurface every effing time I see that b*tch. And when I saw her today my heart started pounding for all the wrong reasons. No, I don't need an anger management class. At least, I don't think I do. I know she does. I mean, is she effing psycho or something? I don't wanna delve into the details of that hell that she put me through, but man, memories of what she did and how inexplicably evil she was torment me to this day. I swear she's like the devil's secretary or something. Gotta be.

I want to believe that all has been forgiven but I can only speak for myself.

You see, before this entire predicament came to be we were actually pretty good friends (or at least I thought we were). I personally think she hasn't forgotten about it. Not that I did anything wrong, mind you. She just has this personality, the kind that would go ballistic over the smallest of reasons.

I have never been one to keep grudges but for her I'd probably make an exception.

I'm not proud of the fact that I have finally learned to hate someone so much - I think I'm merely reassuring myself that I am human and I feel emotions just like every other Dick and Tracy. In fact, I feel some degree of remorse whenever I sense the anger in me rising to the surface.

I've talked about how much I hate hating people before, and i still do. I know I used a pretty strong word too many times in this entry - hate - but I just can't think of a synonym for it that matches the word's intensity or the ill-feeling that I have right now.

I still hope that someday this will all go away and I'll be able to get a good laugh out of this whole experience. But for now I'll dwell in this misery and enjoy plotting a revenge that will most probably never happen. Maybe I do need an anger management class. Somebody get me some Valium.