Showing posts with label infuriatum. Show all posts

Dead Lock: The Taking of Quirino Grandstand

Posted in infuriatum, sports TV and current events

I was in the middle of writing my next Nobel Prize winner when news about a hostage-taking situation erupted from the telly.

Former Senior Inspector Rolando Mendoza held a bus load of Hong Kong tourists captive for nearly 12 hours before the hostage drama reached its bloody end.

Senior Inspector Mendoza was killed apparently by sniper fire when the situation seemed to have reached its inevitable climax. The situation started when Mendoza boarded the tour bus and commandeered the vehicle towards Quirino Grandstand. The former cop demanded that he be reinstated, and he used the hostage situation as a means to attract attention. He wanted to clear his name after allegations of drug-related crimes and extortion were filed against him in 2008. He was subsequently discharged from service and was forbidden from seeking employment in law enforcement.

Details of the hostage situation can be found all over the web, and I don't feel like recounting the terrible sequences of events that led to Mendoza's demise. I would rather talk about the future. What will this international nightmare mean for the country? As early as now, mere hours after the hostage drama ended, the Hong Kong government has already issued a Black Travel Alert warning residents against flying to the Philippines. This is more than an international embarrassment.

What will this mean for the Philippine National Police? If anything, the situation highlighted our law enforcement agency's inadequacy at handling high-risk situations such as a hostage-taking. We can make all the jokes that we want about our SWAT teams being more like SQUAT teams, but the reality of it is daunting. There will be other Rolando Mendoza's out there. How can we be sure that our tax money goes to the enhancement and improvement of our local law enforcement system?

How does the PNP feel about one of their own causing one of the most tragic international incidents the country has ever seen in years?

How will President Noynoy Aquino respond to this threat to his competency? People have begun pointing fingers and having one of those accusing fingers pointed at the country's leader cannot be helped. Noynoy will have to take part of the blame from the PNP. He may not have been the person directly responsible for our law enforcement agency's incompetency, but he is the nation's leader and should respond as such. Then there's also the issue of smoothing out internal relations with the Hong Kong government. How he will continue to receive the people's respect, one can only speculate. One thing is certain, President Aquino will never hear the end of this from his detractors.

Finally, how will the typical Juan dela Cruz feel? Watching various news coverages from ABS-CBN, GMA7 and even international news agencies like CNN, I saw that there were more than a few onlookers at the scene. They had absolutely no business being there, they were just watching the drama unfold. When the police rushed in after Senior Inspector Mendoza was shot, the onlookers rushed in too. It was embarrassing as a nation to see a hostage situation look like a rock band concert, with all the spectators clamoring to get a front row seat to the spectacle.

Forgive me for saying this, but with the cops' incompetency and the utter lack of crowd control, I was seriously half-expecting the bus the blow up. I blame NCIS and Criminal Minds for the barrage of dark subliminal expectations in my head.

Conspiracy theorists will talk about this for years.

One versus an entire battalion. Did we really get the bad guy here?

2 comments »

A Darker Shade of Grey

Posted in feebility, infuriatum

I feel so ashamed of myself.

Last night, while the the rain playfully showered on everyone on the street, a woman got mugged a few yards from where I was standing. Hunched over, clutching an umbrella in one hand and a loaf of bread in the other, I stood frozen in the rain as the woman screamed for help.

I wanted to run towards her to help but I didn't. I just stood there, like a complete idiot.

The woman was sprawled on the street, pushed to the pavement by the devil himself. He looked no older than 17. From where I stood, it looked like he held the woman up at knife point, and took whatever it was that he took. But at that distance, I could not be certain if there actually was a weapon involved, although her screams of terror instinctively told me that he had to have had something life-threatening in his hands. My feet turned heavy as lead and I could not move a step.

Everything happened so fast. I watched as the perpetrator ran towards a particularly shady part of the neighborhood, which had a notorious reputation for being hideout to some of society's most heinous. The thought that the devil was my neighbor was enough reason for me to think of not getting involved. But I still feel sick to the stomach.

When it was all over, the woman stood up and walked past me, hobbling a little. As she passed she looked at me, and all my eyes could say to hers was "I'm sorry." Words deserted me at that very moment and all I had inside me was darkness.

I did nothing, and right now I am struggling to understand the difference between right and wrong. My morality is severely in question, and it turns out that I am my worst critic.

6 comments »

Pain Liniment and Eviction Notices

Posted in infuriatum

Talk about foul moods.

Aside from the stress brought about by issues with domestic finances, I am also currently extremely annoyed by all these neighbors walking in and out of the house like it was a goddamn mall or something. Excuse me folks, this will be a whine-fest.

The people who live in the room which Mom rented out brought in family today; an old geezer who lights his cigarettes inside the house right in front of my niece and nephews; a small filthy looking woman and her greasy kid; and I believe there was another kid about 5 to 6 years old whose voice was so loud and annoying you'd think he had swallowed a toad or something.

These people who have lived in the other room for more than 3 years have been taking up all my space, using up the water in the bathroom, and breathing in all my air. I feel so boxed in it's suffocating. The mother scolds my niece and nephew for the littlest things, and I really find that intrusive. She has absolutely no right to reprimand those kids. Those kids' folks and grandmother lets them rent one of the rooms in the house. It would be nice if they showed us some gratitude.

The youngest kid in that family is an absolute moocher. I think he's about 10 or 11 years old, overweight, and he bullies my niece and nephew when we aren't looking. He tries to get away with playing games on one of the computers for free under the guise of helping my nephew play. Sure it starts out that way, but as soon as I turn around I come back later only to find that he's holding the mouse and playing the game himself, while my nephew just watches. He also takes food from the kids, and never gives any food to them. Oh my blood is absolutely boiling.

The father and the older boy annoys me by simply using our bathroom. Of course, the house only has one bathroom so sharing was inevitable. Hide your dinner folks because this is gonna make everything you ate come right back up. Daddy stinky and older brother stinky use the toilet everyday, and for some godforsaken reason their accursed stench stays in the bathroom hours after they leave. Mom doesn't seem to notice, but I happen to have a keen sense of smell, which is something I often find hard to decide if it is a gift or a curse.

We had to rent out one of the rooms in the house back then when Dad died and we needed some sort of income. But it's been several years now and I know Mom has grown attached to these scumbags. After all, when my brother and I were at work, these people kept my mother company. But I have reached the end of my rope. I honestly feel that these people have overstayed their welcome. Sure they pay alright, but I need a bigger room now. They're occupying one that was MY room to begin with. If it were up to me I'd have them move out right now, but Mom won't have any of it. She'll let them stay for as long as they can pay the rent. I'm seriously contemplating the idea of moving out of this wretched house myself. The walls are starting to close in anyway.

On top of it all, just now San Miguel Beer lost to B-Meg Derby Ace in Game 2 of their semifinal series, further souring my mood. I also had this nasty toothache all day and I figured that if I could get some blood circulating underneath those gums the pain might go away. So I played basketball this afternoon, and ended up hurting my knee. Now I have a bum knee and my tooth still hurts. And I have yet to find the inspiration I need for my next feeble attempt at literary greatness.

Isn't being me such a dandy?

1 comments »

Get Busy!

Posted in infuriatum, mundaneity, subservience

And so we're finally back to regular programming.

It's been a tumultuous couple of weeks for me and it really didn't help to have my old unreliable Internet service provider disappointing me on a daily basis. So I chucked the contract I had with old reliable out the window and switched over to a new and hopefully more dependable service provider. Somehow I can see the phrase "breach of contract" in my not so distant future.

Now that I have the Internet situation handled, I can finally go back to writing. Work has been severely sidetracked because of troubles with not being able to research; because I realized I needed Internet connection to actually reach Google or Yahoo. Of course, I could go out and walk all the way to the nearest computer rental to pay for a few hours worth of research time, but I would rather work in the comfort of my couch for free. Also, computer shops annoy me, with all those raucous teenagers viciously screaming invectives at one another over a computer game where their virtual heroes pummel each other into oblivion. Not to mention the utter lack of privacy and the abundance of nosy strangers looking over your shoulder trying to get a sneak peek at your screen. Hey, I'm all about curiosity but sometimes it borders along invasion of privacy and trespassing.

School started, and not surprisingly I had been volunteered by my mother into taking my niece and nephew to school every now and then. It's tiring, but the sight of the kids' faces as they greet their teachers and classmates smiling from ear to ear makes the trouble all worthwhile. I love those kids and I sometimes help them out with their homework. I just hope they get into better schools when they grow up. These preparatory schools are simply rubbish.

Meanwhile, a huge storm hit the metro last week, and we were fortunate enough to have a sturdy roof over our heads. Well, it was mostly sturdy. Part of the garage roof was blown off by strong winds, causing rain to get in through windows. My PC's got slightly wet though. It's a good thing mom noticed the soaking wet curtains before any damage was done to the computer monitors that were just by the window.

And so the world spins its tiresome rotation once again, and I feel a little more on-track. While I try to keep my head straight I need to figure out what I want to do with this singular existence. But first, I need some money. It's time to send out a few resumés.

4 comments »

Free Willie 3

Posted in infuriatum, mundaneity, sports TV and current events

No, this is not a review of the movie that was about liberating a killer whale that flopped in the cinemas with its flippers. This post is about Willie Revillame. Now I know what you're thinking (Willie who!?), but I was asked by a good friend of mine to write about my thoughts on the whole Willie-Revillame-threatening-to-resign-if-Jobert-Sucaldito-is-not-fired brouhaha.

Willie Revillame is an actor slash noontime show host slash complete idiot here in the Philippines. I obviously am not a fan of his; never has been and never will be. That doesn't mean I'm on Sucaldito's side, though. Jobert Sucaldito is a local celebrity news reporter slash radio show host slash newspaper columnist slash mother of all gay pride parade participants. I could honestly care less if these two media personalities go at it. Fight, I mean. You malicious pervert.

But word about Revillame vs. Sucaldito has been in the news lately for as often as I could stand it. I even see quips from both supporters and condemners on Twitter and Facebook. So when my good buddy Jao asked me to write about this heated rivalry, I reluctantly obliged. It's not like there were more important things on the news these days anyway, such as the Philippine 2010 election results or GMA's questionable last minute cabinet appointment. Duh.

Anyway, according to Revillame, Sucaldito had been continuously attacking him verbally on his radio show and in the newspapers. Revillame said this assault on him and his noontime show Wowowee had been going on for years, but he never paid any attention to it. But recently, Sucaldito apparently hit a nerve when he started lambasting Wowowee contestants and their below-average high school report cards. He succinctly pointed out that the show should not have featured students with such low grades. For Revillame, that was the last straw, or so he says.

Anyway, the exchange of words went on for weeks culminating in Revillame taking a leave of absence from Wowowee. Again, I didn't care. But many did, and soon everybody had their own opinions and reactions to Revillame's stunning (not to me it wasn't) announcement on his show that he will supposedly resign if Sucaldito is not fired by the TV network, ABS-CBN. Do me a favor Willie and stay out of television for good.

Days later, perhaps devoured by remorse upon realizing the embarrassment that this utterly ridiculous word war has been bringing to the network, or perhaps seeing a wide open opportunity to garner more publicity, Revillame sent a letter to ABS-CBN management asking them to rescind his contract. The network remains mum about Revillame's plea as of this writing, but I'm sure they're also benefiting from all the attention this drama has brought to the network.

If you ask me, the whole thing's starting to have a Pacquiao fight feel to it. If only I cared enough to give a sh*t.

This is the most I've done to write about something I could care less about.

3 comments »

Try Not to Die of Heat Stroke. Seriously.

Posted in infuriatum, mundaneity

Seriously, what is up with this hot weather?

Summer in the Philippines used to be more about beach balls and halo-halo. Now it's like sunblock and SPF and UV rays. Man, we really did a number on the ozone layer, didn't we?

With heat like this heat strokes are a very real possibility. With temperatures threatening to scorch up to 37 degrees Celsius, anybody left out in the sun for too long can really get his noodle cooked. Even if you're Japanese.

The trick to beating this kind of sweltering heat is to take plenty of liquids, and hide your elderly. Grandpa wouldn't last very long under the sun in this kind of heat. He's already turning out to be a real prune all by himself, he doesn't need the hot summer sun to cook him up. But really, rehydrate. The heat forces our body to sweat a lot more than normal, if that's even possible, so keep refilling your body's liquid supply. Don't go out at noon if it can be avoided. Try to wear light-colored clothing, as dark shirts tend to absorb sunlight instead of reflecting it.

And as if I could stress it enough - rehydrate! It doesn't have to be some fancy new-fangled energy drink concoction, plain old water will do just fine. And hey, it doesn't hurt to have ice cream or halo-halo. And for cryin' out loud, there is no law against taking multiple baths in a day! Really, there isn't. So hit the showers as often as you want, in order to cool down a bit. Personally, I wouldn't hit the beach in this heat, even though a road trip really does sound nice.

I can't wait for the rains to come in. Then we would be talking about floods and malaria and loose bowel movement. Classy.

1 comments »

Opportunism at a Neighborly Level

Posted in geek speak, infuriatum, mundaneity

They say one needs to make hay while the sun is shining. I don't even play Farmville but I know what they mean by "making hay".

For the last 2 weeks or so my Internet connection's been on the fritz. It began with being intermittent, and then it turned into an ugly and utterly disgusting loss of connection. I just saw my hand and it was dirty, ew. Anyway, so for the last few days I've been "stealing" my Internet connection from one of our neighbors. I took my trusty old router there and hooked up a really - and I mean really - long ethernet cord. I know you can only go so far with ethernet but hey, for now it works. At least until the people over at my ISP decide to get their fat asses off their fancy swivel seats and send a repair truck my way.

But I am seriously considering switching ISP's. There's just the matter of concealing a not-so-inconspicuously-looking computer rental shop before any potential new ISP comes over for the initial installation. I'm thinking of DSL.

No I do not miss the tech talk, thank you.

For the mean time, I will settle for this temporary arrangement that allows me to connect to the Internet only when the goddamn neighbor feels like turning the connection on. The way they had it set up turns the Internet connection off when they turn their PC off. I think their modem's powered by USB or something, I just didn't want to mess with their wiring. But that's what I'm up against. When they want to go green and save on electricity I get kicked off the Internet like a nerdy geek at a fashion show. Oh well. I just realized there were so many acronyms in this entry.

I have loads of articles I need to catch up on. Let me go back to making hay.

Request timed out. Again. And again. Exasperating.

0 comments »

The Annoying Nosy Neighbor Dilemma

Posted in infuriatum

Some say blogging is therapy. So doc, i'm your 10 o'clock.

I know nobody wants to listen to a whiner complain, but nobody will take my grievances seriously. We have this neighbor, Aling Myra, who never misses to sneak into our house and ask for my mom. It surprises me sometimes, how she would already be inside the house when she calls for my mother. I mean, don't we have gates and doors? Sometimes I'd be engaged in work or something important on the computer that I need to write when she would all of a sudden appear out of nowhere, just standing there. She does this every single day, and she has absolutely no respect for this house. I know this isn't much of a house, but hey - I happen to call this home.

Of course, I've told Mom about it. She actually doesn't mind. That nosy neighbor is a friend of Mom's, so she thinks she's welcome in this house. If I had a penny for every time she rudely intrudes I'd be richer than Bill Gates by now. Hey, maybe I should put up some sort of toll booth out front instead of a gate. The gate's pretty much useless anyway.

It ticks me off how she would always speak in whispers. She's one of the loudest and most obnoxious creatures in the neighborhood and yet she sneaks into this house whispering. She and Mom would talk discretely, because they're just gossiping. I don't want to sound like I'm airing out our family's dirty laundry but that's just how Mom is. Ever since Dad moved on to a better place Mom had found the friendship she's made with our neighbors as her source of comfort. It's the very same reason she lets that other family stay in one of the rooms in this house while my cousin sleeps in a makeshift bed. It's why I had to sleep on the couch before I made enough money to build a room for myself. In short, I can't blame Mom.

So as the annoying Aling Myra continues to invade our privacy, I will silently keep pulling my hair in despair. I will wait fervently for the day when I eventually uproot myself from this miserable excuse for a neighborhood. Until then, I'll just keep on blogging.

I'd print this up and pin it on our gate but my printer's dead and I don't own a rifle.

0 comments »

Fire Binchee

Posted in infuriatum, sports TV and current events

First of all, this is not a sports blog. At least, I don't think it is but I'm gonna write about sports anyway.

So Purefoods won the PBA championship last night, and in the spirit of full disclosure I would like to state that I am neither an Alaska fan nor a Purefoods fan. I may be a San Miguel Beer fan since birth and I may have wanted Alaska to utterly trounce Purefoods, but that doesn't mean I can't be a fan of fair play.

I am saddened to think that the PBA has somehow lost its sense of fair play. All throughout the quarterfinals and even through the finals, Purefoods had gotten away with plenty of flops, non-calls, and should've-been-non-calls. But it doesn't stop with Purefoods, other ball clubs have also experienced some unforeseen favors from the officiating referees. I know I am not the only one who feels like this, just read the forums and the legitimate sports blogs. There have been so many discussions about how the referees completely took over of the games. I know, the referee's discretion has always made a tremendous impact on the game, but c'mon, this is ridiculous. I can almost hear my neighbor, the one who keeps telling me that PBA games are fixed, saying "I told you so!".

So the PBA heightened the penalty for walking out, thanks to the Walk N' Text incident. From a hefty half-million penalty, PBA Commissioner Barrios raised the fines to ten big ones. Yep, an unbelievably thick wad of cash that amounts to 10 million pesos. I wouldn't have believed that anybody could have money like that, but then I realized we're talking about pesos and its value against the dollar, so yeah.

Anyway, the stiffer penalty will definitely deter any future walk-outs in the PBA, I can almost guarantee that. But if the referees continue to officiate the way they do right now then the league can't blame fans if THEY walk out. Boo's all around. What's worse is the thought that some utterly disgusted bunch of fans can jump onto the court and maul the officials because they made one too many bad calls. I honestly fear for the referee's life.

I imagine a scenario when Joe de Vance got called for a controversial ticky-tacky foul in the dying seconds of a finals game, and the crowd was furious. Oh wait, that really did happen. I can just picture an angry mob of Alaska fans chasing after referee Aldaba or Maurillo.

It's a good thing they don't sell stakes and pitchforks at the PBA venues.

I sure hope it doesn't have to come to this.

0 comments »

Say What?

Posted in infuriatum, mundaneity

What did you say? I couldn't hear you. Try talking to my other ear.

These past 4 or 5 days I've been suffering from what I now know is barotrauma. At least that's what I think this is anyway. I know self-diagnostics is bad but I have to believe I got this one right. Anyway, there's this unbelievably annoying high-pitched tone in my left ear that simply won't go away. It's been bothering me for the longest time. You know that feeling when the air pressure in your ear gets unbalanced, causing your ears to pop when going through tunnels or flying in a plane? That's kinda how I'm feeling, like my left ear's stuffed with something. It goes away when I pinch my nose and blow hard, but it hurts a little when I do that. I read somewhere that decongestants can relax the eustachian tubes that connect the ears to the nasal passageways, making it easier to make the ears pop.

I really need to get my left ear popped. This is driving me nuts. I can't sleep lying on one side because it feels like there's something moving inside my ear. It's affecting my sense of balance. There are times when I couldn't hear with my left ear. I'm gonna go see a doctor when I can.

In the mean time, I'm gonna dig up a little more information on how to cure barotrauma, because I can't wait for it to go away on its own. Wish me luck.

Sorry MJ, I can't hear you. You're talking to the wrong ear.

2 comments »

Harry Potter and the Half-Good Film

Posted in geek speak, infuriatum, sports TV and current events

Before I begin, I would like to apologize to those who actually liked the movie - all 4 or 5 of them - because they may not like what I have to say about the sixth installment of the Harry Potter movie series, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.

Having read Book 6 I personally thought the movie, for lack of a better term, sucked on so many different levels. I supposed being "based on JK Rowling's novel" must've meant "loosely based" to the film makers. If they had deviated any further from the book they would've probably made a movie that was completely outside the realm of HP fiction. This is by far the most disappointing book-based movie I've ever seen. I hate it when they make bad movies out of good books. Good thing I've only read a few, although they've already managed to bungle Dan Brown's novels and now this? Well at least JR Tolkien's books made better movies.

I know they couldn't fit the entire story into the sixth HP movie, but as the movie progressed I couldn't help saying "shortcut" every few scenes. I was so sure Dumbledore's funeral would've made it into the movie. How about the scene where Harry, under Dumbledore's non-verbal spell, stood frozen under his invisibility cloak while Snape killed the Hogwarts Headmaster with the Avada Kedavra? I mean, has the director even read the book? I'm sorry, but I honestly felt they could've done so much better. They weren't even trying.

Casting was also terrible. Lavander Brown was pulled out of High School Musical, Narcissa was nothing like Bellatrix, and Slughorn looked nothing like a Slytherin and was underweight. Fenrir Greyback could've been bigger and more disgusting. I sure hope they have more scenes for Ginny in the next film. Not that I'm anticipating, but I really hope they make up for this joke of a movie in their next production.

Really now Professor, you're Slughorn?

I just loved the actors who played Rufus Scrimgeour and Madam Pomfrey. Oh right, they weren't in the movie. Well Madam Pomfrey was there but she had no lines and was hardly even noticeable.

And what's with that kiss? I was looking forward to that scene where Harry got out of detention with Snape, after missing their Quidditch match against Ravenclaw, to find the Gryffindor common room packed with celebration because they had won the House Cup? That's where Harry and Ginny were supposed to kiss. Maybe the film makers thought it was more romantic to imagine making out in the Room of Requirement.

Now I didn't hate the entire movie. There was this scene where a weakened Dumbledore got rid of all those Inferi from the lake with a magnificent display of firepower. That was a really good scene. It was probably the only part of the movie that I actually liked. Oh and there was also this scene where Hermione hit Harry in the head with a rolled-up newspaper. Really now, slapstick?

Hermione Granger really blossomed in this film though. Emma Watson was absolutely stunning.

I sure hope they don't make a mockery of the Battle of Hogwarts in the next movie. They've already left out so much in this one, I won't be surprised if people will actually be glad the movie series is over after The Deathly Hallows film.

It only goes to show that when they make movies out of books, especially if you've read that book, don't expect too much. Maybe you and everybody else has read the book, but that doesn't mean the director has read it too.

Note: It looks like they are planning to do better with Book 7 after all. I just found out that the last movie will actually be a two-part finale. Good.

0 comments »

Vomiting Headsets All Over Again

Posted in infuriatum, subservience

Six years ago I told myself and some of my friends who tried to talk me into it that I would never get into the call center business. I knew all the graveyard shifts would eventually take a toll on one's health, I thought it wasn't worth the shit I'd get from all those frustrated and irate son-of-a-bitches. So I ventured into the insurance business. I sold insurance policies to every sucker who would listen. We'd all die in the end anyway, right? So you might as well be prepared to leave something behind for those who depend on you. A noble job, I thought. Then I realized I wasn't built to sell (especially since my selling point then was to tell my clients they would die sooner or later), so I quit. At that time, my heart was really into music. I joined a band, and took it as a career. Unfortunately it didn't pay too well. So I put down my guitar and walked away. I needed the money. So I closed my eyes and bit the bullet.

Here I am now, five years later, wallowing in the pits of the very business I so despised. I had to take on the opportunity back then because I needed a respectable source of income, and because I knew I had the tools to do good in this line of work. I told myself, how hard could it be to talk to some dumb-ass over the phone and get paid big money doing it? After all, I did go to school and learned how to speak English. So on my first serious attempt I got a job at one of the leading call centers back then, and signed my contract on the very same day. I bent my principles and reluctantly conformed to society.

It wasn't all that bad at first. In fact, I met some of my best friends at that first call center that I worked for. I still consider them my family to this very day. It was really great because I was proud that I was getting a five-digit salary despite being a college undergraduate. I literally never took my company ID off if could keep it on. I wore it like a medal.

Things got a little complicated and I realized I needed more. I thought I wasn't getting paid enough to do my job. Don't criticize me, all those hypocrites among you, its human nature to ask for more. There is no such thing as contentment. So to cut the long story short I allowed myself to be pirated by another call center for a much more desirable salary. So again, it went great. I met more friends, learned new stuff and of course I was getting paid more.

Then the whole thing turned into a vicious cycle. I found myself wanting more and getting more and more disgruntled with the repetitiveness of the job. To be honest, it became really boring. No longer did I have that zeal to come to work because I knew I was good at it. I struggled to find reasons to drag my feet out of bed and go to the office. It was a never-ending nightmare.

I'm in my fifth call center and again I find myself dissatisfied with how things are going. I am so sick and tired of what I've been doing the last five years. Sure, I'm still getting paid a huge amount of money. But I was right. All those graveyard shifts are finally getting to me. I've become so depressed and my health has deteriorated exponentially. I wish my weight did too, but it never really helped to be sitting 8 hours a day and being too tired when you get home to do any exercise. I know I can't blame the industry entirely for what I've become, but if I am to turn my life around I have to find a way out.

On the other hand, I still need the job. Sure, I started a small business of my own, and despite my grievances towards the industry I know I still owe it gratitude. But a small computer shop wouldn't net as much as what I'm earning right now. Ergo, the root of my frustration.

For the longest time I've wanted to turn in my headsets and retire from this accursed redundancy, but I never could. I'm a tormented and desperate soul looking for salvation. Somebody please give me some Valium.

So here I am again venting. Venting's all I could do for now. Now if I only had some C4 and a build-your-own bomb kit...

San ba kasi nakakabili ng motivation?

11 comments »

Home Says the Sphygmo

Posted in infuriatum, mundaneity, patheticism, subservience

My 4-day vacation just got preempted when I was sent home by our company nurse one hour into my shift today. It was the last day of the week for me because my vacation leave starts tomorrow. I took a few calls and then I felt this excruciating pain in my nape and I suspected I was having another hypertension attack. Turns out I was right. While I do not hide the fact that I am a stage-two hypertensive, I am ashamed to admit that I have had difficulty managing my health. Nobody has to tell me twice; weight management and regular exercise. Sadly, I seem to regularly avoid exercise, and I have managed to gain weight at an alarming rate. Believe me, its not fun at all and I am genuinely concerned. This is what I meant in one of my earlier posts when I said I wanted a complete turn-around. I know I have got to change the way I live my life and cut down on some of the bad stuff, like drinking and smoking. But I know its gonna take a lot of patience, discipline and time. So friends, wish me luck. Or at least come to my funeral.

In other news, it's been just almost twelve hours into my extended vacation and I am already utterly bored. I just have this gut feeling that my streak of rest-day dates have come to an abrupt end. I'm starting to think she's another one of those "bad stuff" that I should cut down on.

If there's one bad thing I'd like to completely get out of my system, it's stress. Especially work-related stress. I can't get rid of work obviously; and since "work-related stress" implies that there will be certain levels of stress at work, then I guess I'll have to find a way to deal with it. But even thinking about how to fight stress itself stresses me. Now my head hurts. When I think about how that next call's gonna come in the next ten, twenty seconds or so it really ticks me off. I mean, we've barely had time to breathe and forget about that last moron we helped connect to the internet and here comes Mrs. Nguyen asking why her email doesn't work. Why can't we have avail times like before? Is it too much to ask for a breather in between calls? They keep blaming absenteeism but the way I see it, they should have anticipated that. They should have had a safety net, and not have just enough agents on the floor. Then they add more calls to the queue despite having an already depleted head count. People are literally starting to get sick because of all that stress. Then the clever folks in control get calls that should have been routed over to some other call center! What the fuck's up with that? But then again who am I to complain. I'm just a cog in the machinery. Pardon the call center jargon, but until somebody convinces me otherwise, or at least sensibly explains to me why they do what they do I will continue to rant and stress over this. I don't mean to whine but I think it has really gone too far. Add to that the pressures of having to keep up with metrics. To be honest, just this week I have been so close to taking my headsets off in the middle of my shift and walking away for good, twice. I just don't know how long I can keep taking this abuse anymore. This really sucks.

They say change is the only permanent thing in this world. They didn't say change was gonna come easy. I know that part of the solution would be for me to change my perspective, how I look at the big picture so to speak. And I agree with that. But there's a very thin line between changing one's perspective and turning a blind eye to the truth. I will not simply close my eyes and say everything is hunky-dory when all hell is breaking loose. Hell no.

So I'm going to see a cardiologist this Friday. I sure hope he knows how to fix perspectives.

2 comments »

Truth for Breakfast

Posted in infuriatum, patheticism, sad thoughts

I'm breaking away from tradition. I won't be cross-blogging this post over to Multiply, because I feel that whatever it is I'm doing right now just isn't working. It's 7:19 in the morning and on a day like this you would normally find me snoring the morning off, but not today. Here I am staring at my screen half-hoping it would just suck the life out of me. It's now 7:22, and I think I'm having a bad morning.

I was out with her again last night. Sigh.

Yes, I sighed. I know I should be happy. Not today. I think I'm starting to realize the truth about me and her. There is no me and her. Reality bites Wynona. Its not like she hasn't said it though. In fact, she's turned me down two or three times already. I'm just too much of an ~~idiot~~ optimist to know when "no" means "no".

I met a friend of hers, and in keeping up with The Challenge I was hoping I could make a good impression. I think I failed miserably. This is gonna be tougher than I thought.

In every struggle there comes a point where you suddenly find yourself doubting. I think I'm at that point now. The smarter side of me tells me its time I take a hint, and see that she clearly isn't interested. I think I'm finally starting to listen. I wanna bash my head in.

I just feel so depressed. I'm sorry if I can't lighten up the mood around here. I'm honestly tired of writing about this, but I just have to get it out somehow. I need to talk to somebody. I need to wake up to the truth. It's now 7:49 AM. The drama continues. Waking up to a heavy heart is not fun, I can tell you that.

Tigilan na nga ang kalokohang 'to. Tang ina talaga bad trip.

3 comments »

Ghosts

Posted in infuriatum, patheticism, subservience

I saw an old ghost in the office today. It was somebody who made a certain chapter of my life extremely miserable. She was the person who taught me how to hate. I know the hatchet should've been buried ages ago, but the friggin' hatchet seems to resurface every effing time I see that b*tch. And when I saw her today my heart started pounding for all the wrong reasons. No, I don't need an anger management class. At least, I don't think I do. I know she does. I mean, is she effing psycho or something? I don't wanna delve into the details of that hell that she put me through, but man, memories of what she did and how inexplicably evil she was torment me to this day. I swear she's like the devil's secretary or something. Gotta be.

I want to believe that all has been forgiven but I can only speak for myself.

You see, before this entire predicament came to be we were actually pretty good friends (or at least I thought we were). I personally think she hasn't forgotten about it. Not that I did anything wrong, mind you. She just has this personality, the kind that would go ballistic over the smallest of reasons.

I have never been one to keep grudges but for her I'd probably make an exception.

I'm not proud of the fact that I have finally learned to hate someone so much - I think I'm merely reassuring myself that I am human and I feel emotions just like every other Dick and Tracy. In fact, I feel some degree of remorse whenever I sense the anger in me rising to the surface.

I've talked about how much I hate hating people before, and i still do. I know I used a pretty strong word too many times in this entry - hate - but I just can't think of a synonym for it that matches the word's intensity or the ill-feeling that I have right now.

I still hope that someday this will all go away and I'll be able to get a good laugh out of this whole experience. But for now I'll dwell in this misery and enjoy plotting a revenge that will most probably never happen. Maybe I do need an anger management class. Somebody get me some Valium.

When they said she slept around they weren't kidding.

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Not So BS-Proof After All

Posted in infuriatum, patheticism, subservience

The title says it all. I guess all good things do come to an end. I bet she's laughing her guts out (I hope she is, literally) while holding her P35,000 paycheck. Oh well.

I just got back from the provinces after attending the burial of my mom's sister Tita Elvie. At least her suffering from her long battle with liver cancer is now over. At least I think it was liver cancer.

It's time for me to look for new and better (and hopefully BS-proof) employment. Hold that thought while I update my resume.

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So Far, So Good

Posted in infuriatum, patheticism, subservience

So it’s time once again for this literary genius (wannabe) to spill his guts out to a faceless audience on the internet. It’s been exactly 5 months and 3 days today since I last spoke with a certain colleague of mine. I never thought fights could last this long! It doesn't bother me too much now though, and I’m not exactly eager to patch things up with her after what she did. Sorry, no details. Anyway, at least I’m in good terms now with the other protagonist in the sensational scandal to start 2008. And I am grateful for that (You reading this?). Really, thanks.

This year also marked the beginning of a new chapter in my call center career. I got bumped over to marketing, and I’d have to admit it’s pretty much like trying to learn French. But as the title says: so far so good. I am learning a lot from this new experience and I can never say enough about how much I appreciate everything that has happened to me work-wise. I think I’ve mentioned this before in my previous posts but whenever I look back to where I came from, and realize how far I’ve come – it’s a mind-blower. It’s one of those very rare moments when I truly am proud of myself. But I know I still have a long way to go, so I remain vigilant. Or at least I try to be.

I’ve also lost a couple of good friends at work this year. I mean the ones that I wish had stayed left, and the one that I had hoped would leave hasn’t. Oh well. Dianne, Ram, and RJ – I wish you guys all the best.

Two thousand and eight also celebrated my 29th birthday. Twenty nine effing years!?? I mean, who knew!?

I guess I’ve spilled enough guts for this post. And Shane if you’re reading this thanks for mentioning me on your blog. As you say, alak na!

There is one other very significant detail about this post that I had intentionally left out. That’s for an entirely different entry. I’m not sure if I want to talk about that part yet. ‘Til here for now. Ciao!!

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Build Me Up, Bitter Crap

Posted in infuriatum, patheticism

How many times do I have to keep ruining great friendships, huh? What fine crap have I gotten myself into again this time? At this rate I’m never gonna keep any real friends. Now she hates me because I told her I liked her. How many times have we seen that happen to me eh? Some idiots never learn.

I know you don’t even bother reading this so it makes no sense for me to post this but hey, in case you do I just wanna let you know how much I regret ever telling you that. Honestly if I could take that back just to keep this friendship going I’d do it.

We were fine for about a week after the revelation and I thought that was the end of it. Now you drop this on me? That you’re not comfortable with me anymore? I’m offering you pure friendship despite the fact that I did like you, and you show me the door. What gives?

Now, I really don’t want to get into another argument (especially with you) on the very first day of 2008. I’m just really frustrated about how things turned out between us, so I vent. I know I brought this upon myself. If this is really how you want it to be then so be it. If we can’t be friends anymore then we could at least be civil. We owe each other that much. Hope you have a great year!

edit:
It's crucial that I add this bit of comment that I made about this post.

VinCe Says:
January 13th, 2008 at 7:07 am
Know what? Scratch this blog. Let’s not be civil. For the record, you started this.

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I Wanna Scream!!

Posted in infuriatum, subservience

And that’s exactly how I feel. I’m in a rut. I am honestly sick and tired of what I’m doing everyday but I can’t get out of it. I need to do this. My family needs me to do this. I know I sound selfish, and I do believe I’m starting to think about myself too much lately, but hell I’ve been doing this for almost 2 years now and I desperately need a change of pace. I’m grateful for the rewards that I get for what I do and I really don’t mind doing it, its just that those rewards barely stay in my pockets for more than 3 days, and for the life of me I can’t figure out how we can get out of this vicious cycle. I just pray that He gives me the strentgh to hold on because I know this can’t go on forever. Sooner or later things will work out fine for all of us. I hope. Somebody throw me a lifejacket. Or a straightjacket. Sheesh.

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Anybody Got a Solution to This?

Posted in geek speak, infuriatum

I got this nasty virus problem, or at least I think I do. You see I get this pesky "Colgatee" folder whenever I connect my phone to my PC. I can’t delete the friggin’ bugger and the only way I can get rid of it is to back up all my files and reformat my memory card. That’s kinda annoying, you see. If anybody has had this problem before just leave a message. It would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

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