Showing posts with label subservience. Show all posts

Out of the Frying Pan and Into the Fire

This is another one of those moments when I find myself caught between a rock and a hard place, and all I could do right now is bury myself in tacky cliches and idiomatic expressions as a way of telling myself "I told you so!".

So here I am, again in an uncomfortably familiar situation. It's that time of the year when I once again look at my career options, and with the utmost disgust and self-loathing I go "Ugh, not again.". Things at work have gone from bad to just plain awful, and I am once again staring down that fork in the road. One path has a sign telling me to stay, while other one says go. To be honest I'm inclined to take the latter. I'd like to believe that I am not the kind of guy that just calls it quits when the going gets tough, but I honestly feel like l may no longer have a choice.

What I do at work is relatively easy, so it's not like I'm completely overwhelmed with stress and stuff. What bums me out - or should I say, one of the things that bum me out - is the repetitive nature of this business. Sure, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to explain why some old lady's cable bill went up this month, or why some sweaty perv can't watch their smutty adult pay-per-view, but to do it over, and over, and over, and over every single day can seriously burn one out. Maybe I just bore too easily, or that I'm simply a lazy old fat-ass that can't keep a job for longer than two years, but I think I've had it this time. Plus, it doesn't help that my boss is an absolute plant when it comes to motivating people and creating a fun and pleasant working environment.

So my boss isn't exactly everybody's favorite person in the office. She can sometimes be a bit overbearing and condescending, but I know she has a good heart. I understand that she's making an effort to be more people-friendly, at least that's what I've been told, but it might just be a tad too late for me now. Don't get me wrong, she is a very competent and knowledgeable team lead with years of call center experience. When it comes to company policies and the intricacies of call center management, she definitely knows her stuff. It's her people skills that bother me. Or, her utter lack of it. I know she means well, and she's probably gravely misunderstood by a lot of people, including yours truly, but I can't shake the feeling that the two of us just can't seem to get along professionally. But I'll take a big chunk of the blame on this one. I haven't exactly been around often enough for us to really develop a harmonious working relationship, with the sick leaves and hypertension and all.

Now I won't be a hypocrite and say that I have zero fault in all this. This is as much my shit as anyone else's. Okay, so maybe it is more my fault than anything. I'll even go on record and say that I am probably the worst agent a team lead could ever have. But shouldn't that be all the more reason for a team lead to take it upon himself to try and help this pathetic excuse of a human being? Come on, don't we all love a challenge every now and then? But hey, I won't pretend to know how to do your job. I don't want both of us to fail in all this.

But it's really not about allocating blame. I just want to get all this behind me and just look towards the future. Problem is, there isn't really much of a future to look forward to. Tell me, what does a college undergrad, who has worked for more than ten years of his life without a single penny in savings to show for himself, and by all standards is getting a little too old and sickly for the fast-paced call center lifestyle, going to do when he finally puts down and retires his headset? Fallback? I guess I must have called in sick too on the day they taught us the meaning of the word.

I could lose my job this Tuesday, so Wednesday ought to be a very interesting day for this tired old fool.

So what the fuck now?

5 comments »

Cyborg Me

Posted in mundaneity, subservience

John Connor has failed us all! Skynet has taken over over! The machines have taken over!

No, wait. It was just me. Sorry. We're not really going to be used as batteries for a race of sentient machines while we live in a world that we think is real, no. What? Oh, wrong movie reference.

For the next 24 hours, I will be going about my usual business with a machine strapped to my arm and waist. Yes, I have finally invented a machine that replicates superhuman strength and I have decided to test it on myself because I am strongly against animal testing. No seriously, I have what is known as an ambulatory blood pressure monitor hooked up to me, which as the name implies, is supposed to monitor my blood pressure for a duration of 24 hours.

They did say I looked thinner and
less Asian back then.

Wearing it feels kind of weird. The device vibrates as it silently pumps the blood pressure cuff every half hour, then the readings get saved in it's hard drive. Amazing what technology can do nowadays, right? All I have to do now is wait for the data to be collected and have my cardiologist read it tomorrow. Hopefully we can find a way to eventually bring my blood pressure down. Otherwise I may have to quit my job again. No, that would definitely not be good.

Well I'm hoping that visiting four doctors in a span of two weeks will help me finally find a solution to this hypertension deal. I'm absolutely sick of being sick. You know, if this keeps up then there's no way that I'm gonna live on to a hundred. Oh wait, these days nobody does anyway. Bah humbug.

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Rain Bane

Posted in mundaneity, patheticism, subservience

Say what you want about the rain, like it being a melancholic symbol of sadness or a joyful shower of blessings from up high, for me it's the cause of my pain - at least for the past couple of days. Pain, not only because getting rained on had me shivering down to my boots and giving me the sniffles, but also because it's one heck of an inconvenience. Just when I thought I've made a hard-fought, psychological commitment to not be absent from work, this hits me. What's worse is I'm sure I'll get that angry unbelieving look from my boss again when I come back to the office. Oh boy.

On the other hand, this rain does seem fitting in a sick, cosmic kind of way. I do feel a bit disheartened, now that I had just found out that the hand I held so smoothly not so long ago had already been held by someone else. She's off the market, and the fight was over before I even had a chance. I guess it was for the better, though now I have to find some other way to keep myself going. Apparently, this dance was over ten prom nights ago.

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The Dance of Fools

Posted in mundaneity, patheticism, subservience

Here we are again for another edition of the "me, me, me" show. I was thinking of writing about stuff other than my own thoughts that was actually worth reading, unlike the 11-11-11 fiasco, but I came up with zilch. Nadah. So before I post another entry about sucky calendar dates, I've decided to go back to flinging my usual rants.

Last night marked our company's first solo Christmas party ever, and I have to say that despite the fact that I didn't win a single freakin' prize in the raffle, I still had a Glam-Slamming time at the event. Well, sort of. There was a second when I found myself surrounded by friends, reveling in a night filled with ~~crappy~~ good food and great music, with beautiful people dancing and prancing about, and yet I felt like I have never been more alone in my entire life. I realized I miss my old friends. I know that in life, friends tend to come and go, but my creepy current dance partner sort of sucks. He's a lazy, opportunistic sonofabitch that's just as screwed up as I am, (if not more screwed up than me) which is probably why we get along. He's also one of the biggest know-it-all's on the face of the planet. Sometimes I honestly just can't stand the guy. But still, that's more than I could say for some people.

I realize the fewer friends I've got, the fewer inside comments I can squeeze into this blog, so in time nobody will ever understand this piece of literary excrement that I'm shamelessly trying to shove down their pie-holes. That also means I'll have to start writing about stuff that's rated-PG, or things that everybody will appreciate. Oh boy. To be mundane is to sin.

As usual, I'm only making sense mostly to myself again. I think I'm falling under another depression spell, and I have to find a way to get around it or else. Maybe another dance? There! Another inside comment! And despite what you might think about the photo, I still hate Twilight.

"Her hands felt smooth as silk, and her eyes sparkled against the clear night sky. We danced, and it felt like magic. Not even the cold air could keep the warmth of her touch away. But as the song faded, so did my dreams."

1 comments »

A Chapter On Continuity

Posted in mundaneity, subservience

Guess who's back after more than five months of virtually inexcusable and painfully prolonged dormancy? Yes, this snowbird is ready to pick up his quill again and continue scribbling mental malevolence towards life, love, and anything that involves freaky little garden gnomes and low-budget Filipino movies.

As much as I would like to make up flimsy excuses for my extended absence, such as my computer belly-flopping on me, or my internet connection being severed due to a pitiful lack of funds in my Gringotts account, I will choose not to. I won't even say that I was too busy or too lazy to write, no sir. Yeah, this soldier wasn't born to make excuses. I'm just that sort of straight-up guy.

I'll have to admit, a lot of my evil schemes and ill-conceived plots fell flat in those five grueling months of inactivity. I thought my dreams of ruling over the galaxy one day had finally gotten its much needed jump start when I got promoted to a pseudo-team leader position where I handled my own team for a while. Actually, I got promoted a number of times before that. I became a subject matter expert (Whoa! I know, right!?), providing floor support to the agents on the floor. Then I became a training intern, which basically allowed me to help not just the team I was assigned to, but everyone on the floor. I knew I've always had my heart set to training people and helping them develop their potential, but life threw me a curve ball and I was promoted yet again, this time as a team leader intern.

While I enjoyed my stint as a coach, it simply was not meant to last. As I had mentioned in an earlier post, the account I was in back then folded, and I had to start from scratch all over again. At first I thought I could handle the stress of it all. I thought I got promoted once, I could do it again. It was a few weeks later when I realized that it felt like I had won the lottery, lost the money, and was trying to win the lottery all over again. It was a long and arduous climb back and I felt my work legs were already giving out. Then a funny thing happened, the new account that took us in folded too, with it's green box of fun for everyone shredded. I can still hear my inner bully's loud and meaningful guffaw.

So now I am in my third account, desperately trying to explain to some old lady why her cable bill went up this month, and I find myself again at the foot of the proverbial pyramid of hierarchy staring up at my goals. But something's different. Somehow this time the goal seems so much higher and harder to reach. I am at the brink of giving up and I don't know how much longer I can hold on. To be honest, the strain's starting to affect my already deteriorating health.

I am currently on a sabbatical, for which I am very grateful for, because I am trying out some new medication for my hypertension. The doctor panicked the other day when she took my readings, and my blood pressure shot up to 200/120, the highest it has ever gone. But this respite isn't solely for medical reasons. I know I also have to prepare myself mentally. In the next 10 days or so, I need to find a way to motivate myself. Yup, that old story again.

In the years that I have served the masters I always seem to come to a point where I get tired of the redundancies of work, and to this day I have yet to find an answer to this lack of motivation. Maybe I need some sort of therapy or job counseling. Whatever.

Anyway, this is it for now. I will write again soon. For now, please forgive this poor attempt at reviving my non-existent writing career. I'll get better, I promise.

Snow White never did like the way Dopey kept ogling her bazongas.

1 comments »

The Z Legacy: The Season Finale

Posted in mundaneity, subservience

"The thing about a good organization is that at first you become a part of it, then it becomes a part of you."

- TL Chee Carrasco

In my not-so-illustrious 5-year-or-so career as a professional dial-a-geek, I have never been more proud to have been part of a business organization than I have been with Zune CVG. Working for the company has truly been such a great experience, and I am deeply saddened by the news that our account is pulling down the proverbial curtains. We had a great run, but as the old worn-out cliché says, all good things must come to an end. So as we get closer and closer to the final song in Zune CVG's long playlist of success, I thought I'd mention some of the things that made me appreciate how great it was to have been part of this family.

The Coolest Managers Ever

It has often been said that us front-liner's are the lifeblood of any call center. While I generally agree with that thought, I would gladly make an exception for Zune CVG. From the Team Leaders all the way up the Senior Operations Manager, I have never seen a more dedicated bunch of cool people running the show for an account. If there was a quantifiable way of measuring gratitude, with the way our managers taught us the ropes, mine would still remain immeasurable.

My Awesome Colleagues

Five generations of awesomeness best describes the friendships that were developed amongst the ranks. From Wave 1 to Wave 5, everybody was easy to get along with. Kudos to everyone for doing such a wonderful job of performing the herculean task of keeping our heads above water despite all the adversity that we've faced throughout the months. I know it has been mentioned before, but I am really proud to say that for a 6 or 7-month old group of over-achievers, we outperformed the competition who has been in the business for more than 3 years. Chin up guys, there is abso-effing-lutely nothing to be ashamed of.

The Greatest Basketball Team Ever Assembled

In the short run that our underdog of a team had in the recent sports fest, we literally ran the gauntlet. Beating 4 teams en route to the Finals, life was never easy for us. I wanna say thanks to our version of the Zen Master, Coach Gil, for making our near-Cinderella finish a reality. Oh and I made 3 out of 3 three-pointers in one game. Oh come on, you know I was gonna say it.

There are a gazillion other reasons why I think this family is awesome, but i thought it was best to keep them off-pixel and forever in my memories. I'm looking forward to making more memorable events as the days run by, but for now all I can say is that my stay with Zune CVG was a complete blast. While it is sad to say goodbye to something so awesome, it comforts me to think that we went out on top. That we are going out in style.

Turn in your pinks 'cause we're going neon green baby! See you on the other side!

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Punk Eye

Posted in mundaneity, subservience

Honey you can wash my windows any day.

It is often said that a person's eyes are the windows to the soul. If that's true, then my soul needs some serious heavy duty window washing right now.

For two straight days I have been "down with the sickness" (say that with a growl). Those who I've told about my uncanny ability to get sick at some of the most opportune and convenient times will be able to appreciate the irony of my current situation: I honestly want to go to work but I can't because I happen to have conjunctivitis. Acting has never really been my strong suit but I sometimes do get away with it.

No, seriously, this one's real. I went to work the other night and they sent me home less than an hour later because apparently, I posed the risk of infecting everybody in the office with pinkeye. Now I am quarantined at a safe house, whose location is highly classified. In other words, I'm stuck at home again.

I honestly had no intentions of posting today, but since I was so abso-fucking-lutely bored I decided to go ahead and write anyway. After all, what's a blog without rants, right? So forgive me if this post seems less interesting than a Jinggoy Estrada movie. My red, swollen, pus-encrusted eyes are tired of staring at the screen all day.

Boy do I need a life.

2 comments »

Counting Trains

Posted in happy thoughts, mundaneity, subservience

I'm posting this now, before all my braincells stop working. I just feel too tired to write right now. Say it again, "write right". Boohoo.

Yesterday, a friend of mine celebrated her birthday. It was fun, for the most part, and it became sort of a mini-reunion for me and one my fallen colleagues. The place was near a train station, and all the revelry was held just a few feet from the tracks. No kidding, anybody who's seen Final Destination would have thought twice about sitting with us that afternoon. Every now and then, a commuter train would zip past us with horns blaring and we wouldn't have a care in the world. It was a peculiar sight, now that I think about it, to see a table full of party-goers at such an odd and potentially dangerous location. Maybe I really do love living on the edge.

Not the actual location, but close enough.

Train after train passed by, and the heavy shower that drenched us hardly dampened our festive spirits. I watched as passengers and onlookers stared quizzically at us while we were throwing back glass after glass of ice-cold beer. I seriously would've stayed longer if not for the fact that I had to go to work later that night.

Yes folks, you heard right. I - the beer-guzzling gorilla from China - walked away from a party because I had to go to work. Can you believe it?

Can you spell "self discipline"?

The Binchee, The Captain, and The Love.

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Click START

Posted in subservience

And so the ride on this wonderful happy train continues, although somehow the journey does not feel like an entirely joyous one.

Start!

Next week marks the start of me taking on new responsibilities at work, and while I humbly appreciate the trust and confidence that the powers that be have on me, I could not help but feel that this happy bullet came with a rather bitter pill to swallow.

As much as I would like to celebrate and write my name in the sky with fireworks, I can't. This blog may be fueled by witty sarcasm and powered by pure, unadulterated euphemisms, but I am completely and totally sincere about how I feel towards my friends. You see, while this faithful soldier was promoted to lieutenant, others were relegated to the sidelines. Others still, face an unknown fate. What I'm trying to say is that a personal victory feels so empty when your colleagues are unable to share in your triumph.

It's like LeBron James winning the MVP award, while he and the rest of the Cavs watch the Lakers win the championship.

I know I sound awfully selfish in this post, so please forgive me folks. I just had to let this out or else, I would've absolutely gone nuts trying to scream inwardly. For those who are reading this (thank you!) but are not part of, or are not aware of the holocaust that I am implicitly trying to refer to in this piece of trash (thank you still!), I also ask for your forgiveness. There has simply been too many personal issues in my life right now that I felt the urgent need to pull my wand out, take these memories from my head, and dump them all into my digital pensieve.

The seventh Harry Potter movie's coming out this month. Like, I know, right?

2 comments »

How a Couch Potato Celebrates Life

Posted in happy thoughts, mundaneity, subservience

For as long as I can remember, this small piece of Internet space has so often been my place of refuge, my fortress of solitude so to speak. This is where I dump all my pent-up emotions, mixed in with the mushy, the mundane, and the malevolent hodge-podge of feelings that this humble author experiences every now and then. And I'll say it again - often.

This time however, I am here to simply make my declaration of how awesome life is. I rarely get that feeling where I just want to climb Everest and thank God personally for giving me such a good life. I realized today that there are so many things that I should be grateful for. I have friends and family close by, and even though there are times when we don't always seem to get along, I appreciate the fact that they have stood by me through thick and thin. Right now I'm leaning towards "thick", because I just finished a bag of chips and some soda all by myself while watching Megan Fox bounce around in the desert in a dirty spaghetti strap tube top. Hello calories.

Things seem to be finally looking
up for you now Binchee!

Another happy bullet in my gratitude checklist is the fact that I have a job. Not only do i have a job, I am also proud to say that I seem to be in an excellent position to prove my worth and go places in this gig. For once, I can truthfully say that I love what I do for a living. I can almost hear Lady Opportunity moaning softly at my bedside.

There are so many other things that I want to thank my Creator for, but I just don't want to be splitting hairs here. I'll just sum them all up with this: I am happy to be alive. All the life experiences I've had in the past - good or bad - have brought me to where I am now, and I am just starting to appreciate that fact. If not for all the trials and dead ends that I've run into before, I wouldn't have learned how to get here in the first place. So thank you oh Omnipotent One for the gift of life, good health and free will, and for Your continuous guidance.

Whatever life had me take, I'm loving the rush right now. I gotta say, this high is so much better than what any god-forsaken drug can give, and I ain't planning on getting off this happy train just yet.

No sir, no.

3 comments »

Dragonflies

Posted in mundaneity, subservience

I stood there watching from atop the third floor balcony of the apartment. A swarm of dragonflies hovered playfully through the tree branches and power lines across from where I stood, while the rest of the world went about their everyday business on the busy streets below.

As I flicked the burnt cigarette butt out onto the street, I realized how high the dragonflies were flying. With nothing but their flimsy little wings propelling them, the tiny little creatures seemed to float effortlessly through the maze of tree limbs and power lines. It reminded me of how hard work and determination can propel us to those proverbial greater heights, regardless of how small we think we are in this world.

Sometimes we feel that in the grand scheme of things, we don't mean much. We can feel insignificant, unimportant. There are days when you just want to end it all and start over. Sadly, there are no take-backs and start-overs in this game. We just have to play on and keep working our way up. Then one day you look down to see how high you've flown, and the realization hits you. You are not as insignificant as you thought you were. You have talent, You have skills. You mean something in this world after all.

I look down and I see that I have come a long way. I light another cigarette, and take in the view.

1 comments »

Rock And Roll, Mother Father!

Posted in sad thoughts, subservience

The title of this post is the by-line of one my closest friends at work, who was unceremoniously shown the way out last night. Consider this post as both a tribute to a fallen colleague and a lesson in fair play.

He was a colleague, a friend, a rock star, a comedian, a dancer, and a drinking buddy. More importantly, he was a brother. In the few short months that we've known each other, he had already been there for me through thick and thin, whether we've had a few hours of sleep or not, drunk or sober, allergy or no allergy. Along with two of our other friends, the four of us soon formed what was arguably the closest bond among all of the trainees in our class. In fact, we even went out to have a few beers right on the very first day of training, where we all had just met for the first time. Now, there's hardly anything that we don't know about each other, and we accept each other's faults and imperfections. Plus, two of the top graduates during our time in training emerged from this awesome foursome, which is why it saddens me to think that the group that I had been so used to seeing nearly every god-forsaken day will be missing a considerably integral member.

I will be one of the first to admit that he wasn't exactly employee-of-the-month material. On the outside, he didn't seem to take his responsibilities at work seriously. He was always goofing around. But when it came to the nitty-gritty, he pulled through and proved that he deserved to be in the company. Well at least to me, he did. I saw how he improved in his performance at work, and how he began feeling good about resolving technical issues for strangers who call from the other side of the planet.

Sadly, the damage has apparently already been done. The powers that be have determined that they had already accumulated sufficient reason to graciously show him the door, pulling him out in the middle of the shift and escorting him out of the premises. I understand that rules are rules, and that violation of said rules will lead to termination. I just wished they had shown more consideration. I mean, he wasn't THAT bad. Some of his errs are those that could have only been afforded a warning and a stern talking-to. At least that's what the other teachers did. There's a difference between strictly enforcing the rules and trying to make a name for yourself. Respect is earned. It is never borne out of fear and intimidation.

But what can we do, right?

I just wish that he can forget about this entire ordeal and move on. I believe that he should take the lessons of professionalism with him and bring them over to much greener pastures. I hope he can see the silver lining in this dark situation, and be able to use this experience as a way for him to become a better person. So until we meet again, my brother, have a cold one on me. You will never be forgotten.

Rock and roll mother father!

5 comments »

Slumber and Sobriety

Posted in mundaneity, subservience

Ugh.

Wake up sleepyhead!

Slumber and sobriety are just two of the things that I often take for granted. I have never felt the repercussions of trying to force a depleted supply of brain cells to function normally while in a severely sleep-deprived, zombie-like state than I did last week. I was a disaster waiting to happen.

I have always believed that the consumption of alcohol should go hand in hand with a sufficient amount of sleep. After a night out on the town guzzling down pint after pint of the local clubs' finest booze, one should see to it that he not only gets to sleep it off, but one also needs to make sure that he sleeps at home. The general idea is to go home then sleep, not sleep then go home; although I have often found myself violating this relatively simple concept.

This week I intend to allow my brain to recuperate, even attempt to grow a few brain cells if possible. We're deep into the nitty-gritty of training now and I really need to absorb as much information as I can. So off I go into Lala-land to grab a few Z's. I'll try not to snore too loud.

Oh, and I better get started on that book real soon.

0 comments »

About Being Rigged And Multi-Purpose Holes

Posted in subservience

Okay I admit, the title of this post's a bit of an inside joke. Somebody I know syllabicated the word "RIG-GED" and another blushed profusely after saying hole instead of hall. But I still love them both to bits. What I really just wanted to write about was how I feel about my new beginning. For me, it seems as though my career has finally come full circle, and I am once again that wide-eyed newcomer hoping to make it big in this industry.

As many of you (I often optimistically envision an increase in the number of people that read this blog) may have already surmised, I am currently undergoing training at one of the more prominent yet less financially rewarding call centers in the country today. I still have a few weeks to go before I officially start mentally lambasting people from across the other side of the planet because of their stupidity, but the here and now says I am having the time of my life.

Despite all my personal prohibitions against ever putting on a pair of headsets again, for once I find myself actually smiling at the thought of going to work. I will probably end up burning out again eventually, but I believe I have found something I haven't had at any call center for a very long time - hope. I can sense an air of positivity, especially because the chances of me finally moving up the corporate ladder are pretty big. The last time I felt like this towards my employer, my colleagues, and myself was during training in the very first call center that took me in. Friends felt like family and work seemed more like recreation rather than duty.

Many online dictionaries would define the idiom "come full circle" as to return to the same situation or attitude one originally had. Before I came running back to the industry with my proverbial tail firmly tucked between my legs and my pride thoroughly trampled on, I told myself that this will be the last time I'll ever work for a call center. It will be my last hurrah, so to speak. Every time I told myself that this will be the last time I'll have to put my headsets on and solve other people's problems, I kept wondering about where I'd go next or what career I would likely be involved in if not this. Now that I've come full circle however, I realized that maybe I don't have to go anywhere else. Maybe this is what I was meant to do.

Maybe, I'm finally home.

Home. Finally.

4 comments »

Bitter Sweet Bitter Gourd

Posted in mundaneity, sad thoughts, subservience

I saw the Disney Pixar movie Cars the other day, and I recalled how rookie race car Lightning McQueen hit the brakes and stopped dead in his tracks just a few short feet from the finish line, in the last lap of the most important race of his life. Instead of going on to become the first ever rookie to win a Piston Cup, he shifted gears to reverse and went back to help The King, who had just crashed and spun out of the track. The life lesson here may be a bit juvenile, but that particular scene got me thinking: If that had happened to me, would I have done the same thing? What would the movie had been like if Lightning McQueen simply ignored The King's mangled chassis and continued racing towards victory? Would that have been a real victory?

I recently won my first "Piston Cup". In a class mostly consisting of call center virgins and registered nurses, I managed to achieve the honor of being class valedictorian. I aced most of the written exams and passed the oral assessments with flying colors. Sadly though, my "Piston Cup" story also came with its own version of "The King".

Last night, Zune CVG Wave 2 celebrated our last day of communication and culture training. The night was filled with fun, food and booze, and everybody seemed to have had a great time. But the celebration was tainted with sorrow, or at least it was for me. Everybody from our class will move on to product specific training on Monday, all except one.

Arleen, who was my partner during the latter stages of communication and culture training, failed to make the grade. She was a first-time call center trainee, and she was still struggling with her confidence and English communication skills. But she was determined, which is why it felt terribly sad to see her fail. It felt like part of her failure was my fault; that I had not been able to help her enough, being the tenured veteran that I am. Guilt found itself a tiny little nook inside my heart and I think it plans to stay there for a while.

If I could've only stopped before crossing the finish line like Lightning McQueen did, maybe I could have helped her. Hands down, this tops my list of bittersweet victories.

I wish I could've gone back and helped you.

4 comments »

Doors

Posted in mundaneity, subservience

Are opportunities meant to be taken?

This question kept playing in the back of my head like that last song you heard over the radio. Are all opportunities really meant to be taken?

If God opens a door, should you walk in? There are two schools of thought in this scenario. Some would say that one should walk in and grab the chance to enter because the opportunity presented itself. Others, however, would argue that God also gave man the unique ability to think for himself, therefore free will dictates whether one should choose to enter or not.

Given the two options, the obvious choice would be to take a shot at it and just walk right through the door. Sure. But my hesitation comes from uncertainty and doubt.

Will I be ready for what's on the other side of the door?

Will I be able to stay on the other side without getting unceremoniously shown my way out?

Will I be stepping on other people's toes on my way to the top?

Trying to answer the question of whether I should take the opportunity or not has sadly brought about more questions. Life can really be confusing sometimes, and I often feel that I can barely keep my head above the water.

Don't get me wrong folks, I would love nothing more than to walk right through the door and finally make something of my life. But the apocryphal hellions of self-doubt and apathy have reared their ugly heads, and I am still struggling to find purpose and meaning amidst all the chaos.

I know this post seems awfully vague, but I assure you, I will expound on the topic as soon as I find clarity. As a parting shot however, I would like to end this profound nonsense with yet another question:

Just because you can walk through the door, does that mean you should enter?

Up, or down?

5 comments »

Of Bird Tenses and 1-2-Trees

Posted in mundaneity, subservience

As high and mighty as I thought I was in terms of my phraseological prowess and my command of the English language, it has recently come to my attention that I am far from being grammatically perfect. For one, I often employ writing methods that have never been - and in all probability will never be - acceptable to them English scholars. There are even times when I feel like I seem to invent some of the words I use in my blog.

I often attribute my grammatical imperfection to my being casual and informal. Now I realize that it was all an excuse, which begs the question: am really I up to the task of writing anything publish-worthy?

But I digress, right off the bat. The realization that there is so much more to learn about the English language came to me in one of the communications and culture training sessions which I am currently taking. It was a lesson in humility, although I wasn't a complete embarrassment. There were written assessments which I was certain I was going to ace, but ended up making a couple of mistakes. Disappointing, yes, but hardly disheartening. In fact, I look forward to learning more. Bring it on, baby.

There were those of us who seem to have a relatively respectable grasp on how to use certain words, while others merely transliterate. I do not mean to belittle my colleagues, but I sincerely fear for their survival. The call center industry is a cutthroat business. It isn't enough to know what you want to say; if you can't say it right, you won't last long.

While I rue the fact that I have come back running towards the very same industry which I had desperately tried to run away from, I enjoy the fact that for once in my not-so-illustrious career, I actually did learn something useful from culture and communications training: verb tenses. Now the term "future progressive" no longer conjures up images of rock bands in face paint to my mind.

But I still hate those accursed Thuringian Thermometer folks.

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Back on the Wagon

Posted in mundaneity, subservience

Get rid of the iPod and uninstall iTunes, I'm working for Zune baby!

Well technically, I'd be working for another reputable call center in the Philippines, but we would be supporting Zune. After all these months of me being dangerously addicted to unemployment, I am finally back on the wagon again.

So I spent the entire day yesterday acing the new hire exams and interviews at one of the more tenured call centers in the country. While I am happy with the results of my application, I know I've not even won half the battle. There are tons of paperwork to be filled out and requirements to be secured, and on top of that I also have to undergo the obligatory medical examination. These days I've been more nervous about taking medical exams than possibly taking a board exam. I'm afraid I might be pregnant. Hehe.

Seriously though, I worry that my deteriorating health condition could once again get in the way of me receiving a comparatively meager amount of income... although now that I've read it out loud it doesn't seem like much of a dilemna. Huh.

Health conditions notwithstanding, I also have to secure clearances from the NBI and from my previous employers. Luckily, I had asked for a certificate of employment from them right before I jumped ship. I also need to go back to school for a copy of my grades. Really, I don't understand why these companies need them, I aced the exams and interviews didn't I?

The worst part of it is that they expect me to have all the paper work ready by Monday. I would've gone out today to process some of the requirements, but I really don't feel so good. Blasted toothache kept me up all night, and i didn't think there was much to accomplish this late in the afternoon. So tomorrow's gonna be a really - and I mean REALLY - busy day for the Binchee.

Wish me luck, will you? And oh, I don't really have an iPod. I am secretly thinking about buying one, though. The Zune is just simply way out of my budget.

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Get Busy!

Posted in infuriatum, mundaneity, subservience

And so we're finally back to regular programming.

It's been a tumultuous couple of weeks for me and it really didn't help to have my old unreliable Internet service provider disappointing me on a daily basis. So I chucked the contract I had with old reliable out the window and switched over to a new and hopefully more dependable service provider. Somehow I can see the phrase "breach of contract" in my not so distant future.

Now that I have the Internet situation handled, I can finally go back to writing. Work has been severely sidetracked because of troubles with not being able to research; because I realized I needed Internet connection to actually reach Google or Yahoo. Of course, I could go out and walk all the way to the nearest computer rental to pay for a few hours worth of research time, but I would rather work in the comfort of my couch for free. Also, computer shops annoy me, with all those raucous teenagers viciously screaming invectives at one another over a computer game where their virtual heroes pummel each other into oblivion. Not to mention the utter lack of privacy and the abundance of nosy strangers looking over your shoulder trying to get a sneak peek at your screen. Hey, I'm all about curiosity but sometimes it borders along invasion of privacy and trespassing.

School started, and not surprisingly I had been volunteered by my mother into taking my niece and nephew to school every now and then. It's tiring, but the sight of the kids' faces as they greet their teachers and classmates smiling from ear to ear makes the trouble all worthwhile. I love those kids and I sometimes help them out with their homework. I just hope they get into better schools when they grow up. These preparatory schools are simply rubbish.

Meanwhile, a huge storm hit the metro last week, and we were fortunate enough to have a sturdy roof over our heads. Well, it was mostly sturdy. Part of the garage roof was blown off by strong winds, causing rain to get in through windows. My PC's got slightly wet though. It's a good thing mom noticed the soaking wet curtains before any damage was done to the computer monitors that were just by the window.

And so the world spins its tiresome rotation once again, and I feel a little more on-track. While I try to keep my head straight I need to figure out what I want to do with this singular existence. But first, I need some money. It's time to send out a few resumés.

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Articles and Lyrics

Posted in funky music, mundaneity, subservience

Once again, I am writing about me and all the mundaneity that comes with being me. I suppose that's what personal blogs are for anyway, so quit your yapping and just read.

I tried my hand again at song writing after a really long while. I figured since my schedule's pretty much wide open right now I might as well do something to keep the old noodle working. As it turns out, I make a pretty good lyricist if I say so myself. I was with a buddy of mine last night, and I was helping him write a song for this new band that they were forming. Nah, my band days are over. Way over.

Anyway, I wrote some lyrics and he laced them with chords on his guitar. We only made it up to the first verse and the chorus because the booze started to kick in. I just hope the song makes it on to their planned album, if they get around to recording. Me, the lyricist. Wouldn't that be awesome?

I noticed there wasn't enough sh*t happening in my life lately, so my blogging has been dead in the water. So as much as it pains me to write about me, myself and I over and over again, here I am. I am slowly learning that sneezing on command is easier than finding the inspiration to write. And it's really hard to sneeze at will.

I know you're trying to sneeze right now but you can't. See?

I'm preparing myself mentally for something I'll have to painstakingly endure for one entire night - my high school reunion. I know I'll be hearing plenty of gasps and comments that talk about me being left in the kitchen too long. While I'm looking forward to seeing old faces, friends whom I haven't seen in nearly 15 years, I'm not exactly looking forward to seeing the look on their faces when they see me.

I can't wait to get the reunion over and done with. Maybe then I'll get enough sh*t to write about.

Oh and wish me luck, readers. Yes, all 5 or 6 of you. I'll be working full time soon, and I sure hope things work out. I really want to stay out of the call center business if I can avoid it. I just want to keep writing and learning until I can't write or learn anymore.

Or maybe just until I find out I'm related to Bill Gates or something.

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