1:56 AM  

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Today was as exciting as watching paint dry. One good thing did happen though. My all-time favorite local basketball team, the San Miguel Beermen, won Game 4 of their best-of-seven finals series versus Ginebra San Miguel. The series is now tied at 2 games apiece. I want San Miguel to win, but something in my gut tells me I should bet on Ginebra. But then again I'm not much of a gambling man.

Or am I?

Maybe I just don't gamble per se, but I would like to think that I'm some sort of a risk-taker. And believe me there had been a lot of risks in the past that I wish I didn't take. All those "if only's" and "what could've been's" are starting to bear down on me. The cliche would say something about spilled milk or something; I'm still busy trying to clean up after all the mess I've made.

And it's not just those things that could have been that bothers me. Lately those that shouldn't have been are slowly eating me up. Here I am again skirting over a topic I only half-wanted to talk about. See me throwing around made-up words and seemingly incoherent verb tenses here?

You know it's really hard to write about something you neither want to write nor talk to somebody about, but that something's just screaming to get out. It's a sad thought, really. It's like there are so many things going on and you're right smack in the middle of it - yet you still feel so distant. It's like a drug. Or maybe it's not like a drug.

I know I've written so many times about regret. There's just no helping it. I have been burdened by a lot of stuff and I need to clear my mind of them. Writing about regret seems to help. If anything, it gives me a way to release some of the tension. I know I haven't been the most prolific writer recently, but I'm trying. It's just that sometimes, trying simply isn't enough.

One of these days I just know I'm going to screw up again. That's part of having so many mistakes in the past, one tends to anticipate the next failure. I seriously think I need professional help. If only I weren't in the Philippines... oh there goes another one!

Like I said, today - just like most other days - had been uneventful. Nothin' doin'. The story of my life.

Don't even get me started on tomorrow.


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Stories from the Simian Crease by Binchee is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Philippines License.
Based on a work at binchee.blogspot.com