Convrse

No that title wasn't a typo. Ganun talaga tatak ng luma kong sapatos. Hindi japeyks yan oi, yan ay orig na CONVRSE shoes! Talaga nga naman.

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Blind Item!

Posted in happy thoughts, mundaneity, patheticism

Aha! At kanino nanaman nakikipagpalitan ng mukha ang gagong to!? Nyahaha. Talaga nga naman oh. Ayoko na nga uminom!

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Chess!

Posted in mundaneity, road trips

This has gotta be the biggest chessboard I've ever seen. Yeah I don't go out that often. That makes it a lot harder to cheat and move your pieces while your opponent isn't looking!

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Curtains

Posted in mundaneity, patheticism

It's funny how the end of one thing can really be just that - the end of something. I tend to read into things too deeply that I often overlook the obvious. I keep trying to read between the lines even when there are no encrypted clues or non-verbal subliminal messages being thrown at me. I suppose it comes from being half-human and half-paranoid. I know it's been a long time coming, but at the same time I always knew the end was staring me right in the face. Maybe sometimes, "no" really does mean "no".

Going back to the purpose of this post, I am unceremoniously ending a six-month obsession and I am startled by the subtlety of it all. I mean, no fireworks, no melodramatic music, no action-filled fight scenes. It just ends here. It's not that it deserves all the attention, oh no. I hate being in the spotlight. I'm just suddenly left with this empty feeling, just like an over-used cliche.

I feel like a writer with nothing to write about.

All that waiting, and the only thing I got to show for myself is my propensity for being extremely patient. I guess it was fun while it lasted, whatever it was. But I have to move forward now. From this day forward, I vow never to stare at her when she's smiling, never to think about her all day. But who am I kidding. Its time to drop the curtains and walk away from the stage, its over folks.

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Walang Gana. Lagi Na Lang Walang Gana!

Posted in mundaneity

Oo yan ang pamagat ng aking susunod na teleserye. Lintek na trangkaso to, pati appetite ko binalahura. So there I was staring blankly at my dinner, which Mom was nice enough to bring in to my room (partly because wala din naman kaming dining table eh), when I realized na wala talaga akong gana kumain. Napaisip ako. Ang daming bata sa lansangan na kumakalam ang mga sikmura at walang makain, tapos heto ako't tumatanggi pa sa pagkain. Eh haller, as if naman mabubusog ang mga bata sa lansangan pag kinain ko to. Wow. Sana magtuloy-tuloy na ang loss of appetite na to nang magbalik na sa dati ang physiology ko. Now all I need is exercise. Bembangan galore. Haha. Look! A hidden hickey! Este, Mickey pala. Eto nga pala ay blog post straight from my handy-dandy K800i. Sweet.

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Crazy Kids

Posted in familia, humor mongering

These are Keia and Keiffer, my crazy niece and nephew. They were 3 and 5 respectively in this photo.

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Worst Flu Ever

Posted in mundaneity

I am just barely recovering from my worst flu ever recorded. I was bed-ridden for two days because my temperature went up to 39.8 degrees Celsius. It's honestly the worst I've felt in years. I can still feel my joints ache, and my chest hurts each time I cough. I had to miss our anniversary party because of this. This sucks. I'm gonna cut this short because I'm still too weak to blog on about it today.

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Home Says the Sphygmo

Posted in infuriatum, mundaneity, patheticism, subservience

My 4-day vacation just got preempted when I was sent home by our company nurse one hour into my shift today. It was the last day of the week for me because my vacation leave starts tomorrow. I took a few calls and then I felt this excruciating pain in my nape and I suspected I was having another hypertension attack. Turns out I was right. While I do not hide the fact that I am a stage-two hypertensive, I am ashamed to admit that I have had difficulty managing my health. Nobody has to tell me twice; weight management and regular exercise. Sadly, I seem to regularly avoid exercise, and I have managed to gain weight at an alarming rate. Believe me, its not fun at all and I am genuinely concerned. This is what I meant in one of my earlier posts when I said I wanted a complete turn-around. I know I have got to change the way I live my life and cut down on some of the bad stuff, like drinking and smoking. But I know its gonna take a lot of patience, discipline and time. So friends, wish me luck. Or at least come to my funeral.

In other news, it's been just almost twelve hours into my extended vacation and I am already utterly bored. I just have this gut feeling that my streak of rest-day dates have come to an abrupt end. I'm starting to think she's another one of those "bad stuff" that I should cut down on.

If there's one bad thing I'd like to completely get out of my system, it's stress. Especially work-related stress. I can't get rid of work obviously; and since "work-related stress" implies that there will be certain levels of stress at work, then I guess I'll have to find a way to deal with it. But even thinking about how to fight stress itself stresses me. Now my head hurts. When I think about how that next call's gonna come in the next ten, twenty seconds or so it really ticks me off. I mean, we've barely had time to breathe and forget about that last moron we helped connect to the internet and here comes Mrs. Nguyen asking why her email doesn't work. Why can't we have avail times like before? Is it too much to ask for a breather in between calls? They keep blaming absenteeism but the way I see it, they should have anticipated that. They should have had a safety net, and not have just enough agents on the floor. Then they add more calls to the queue despite having an already depleted head count. People are literally starting to get sick because of all that stress. Then the clever folks in control get calls that should have been routed over to some other call center! What the fuck's up with that? But then again who am I to complain. I'm just a cog in the machinery. Pardon the call center jargon, but until somebody convinces me otherwise, or at least sensibly explains to me why they do what they do I will continue to rant and stress over this. I don't mean to whine but I think it has really gone too far. Add to that the pressures of having to keep up with metrics. To be honest, just this week I have been so close to taking my headsets off in the middle of my shift and walking away for good, twice. I just don't know how long I can keep taking this abuse anymore. This really sucks.

They say change is the only permanent thing in this world. They didn't say change was gonna come easy. I know that part of the solution would be for me to change my perspective, how I look at the big picture so to speak. And I agree with that. But there's a very thin line between changing one's perspective and turning a blind eye to the truth. I will not simply close my eyes and say everything is hunky-dory when all hell is breaking loose. Hell no.

So I'm going to see a cardiologist this Friday. I sure hope he knows how to fix perspectives.

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Truth for Breakfast

Posted in infuriatum, patheticism, sad thoughts

I'm breaking away from tradition. I won't be cross-blogging this post over to Multiply, because I feel that whatever it is I'm doing right now just isn't working. It's 7:19 in the morning and on a day like this you would normally find me snoring the morning off, but not today. Here I am staring at my screen half-hoping it would just suck the life out of me. It's now 7:22, and I think I'm having a bad morning.

I was out with her again last night. Sigh.

Yes, I sighed. I know I should be happy. Not today. I think I'm starting to realize the truth about me and her. There is no me and her. Reality bites Wynona. Its not like she hasn't said it though. In fact, she's turned me down two or three times already. I'm just too much of an ~~idiot~~ optimist to know when "no" means "no".

I met a friend of hers, and in keeping up with The Challenge I was hoping I could make a good impression. I think I failed miserably. This is gonna be tougher than I thought.

In every struggle there comes a point where you suddenly find yourself doubting. I think I'm at that point now. The smarter side of me tells me its time I take a hint, and see that she clearly isn't interested. I think I'm finally starting to listen. I wanna bash my head in.

I just feel so depressed. I'm sorry if I can't lighten up the mood around here. I'm honestly tired of writing about this, but I just have to get it out somehow. I need to talk to somebody. I need to wake up to the truth. It's now 7:49 AM. The drama continues. Waking up to a heavy heart is not fun, I can tell you that.

Tigilan na nga ang kalokohang 'to. Tang ina talaga bad trip.

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Random Nothings

Posted in funky music, mundaneity, patheticism

Yep you read the title - another bullet blog.

I told my buddy Lio Loco I wouldn't blog about the death of Francis M. So I won't. If I did, I would've said I felt sad because like Sir Kiko I too am a musician wannabe)and former drug user (has-been). But I said I wouldn't write about that, so I won't.

I really want to get one of those Mikropono shirts by FMCC though.

I've been thinking a lot lately, and thinking has never been one of my best talents. I want a complete turn-around. Its high time I started making something out of this pathetic existence. I uh... just haven't figured out what to make of it yet.

The Challenge continues. I honestly don't think I'll really get anywhere with this, but being the egotistical blockhead that I am, I'm not giving up that easily.

Appearances. Why do people look at me like that? Society dictates that aesthetics is humanity's popularity barometer. You just have to look good to get noticed. If you're fat and ugly, you get noticed too but for all the wrong reasons. Cruel, but true. But who wants to be popular anyway? Hypocrites.

Haha, sour-graping.

Its funny how I try to waltz around a particular topic I want to write about. I'm just afraid she might stumble upon my page one day and read all the incoherent thoughts about her that spill from my love-sick head into pixels forming into letters that spell words that can never really put across what I want to say to her anyway. It doesn't make sense, I know.

The infernal heat must be getting to my head. Look up, I was talking about this head. Curse my lucky shades.

Razon's halo-halo really is the best in town. She looked so sweet. I mean, the halo-halo was sweet.

I am dying to go out of town. Or at least take a dip in a pool. I want to go swimming on a regular basis. Kalbong Intsik, help me out!

I feel sad that the forum's been awfully quiet lately. There used to be new posts each day, but now every time I visit I just see me. What's up with you people?

I need a break. I need to be away from it all for a while. I miss my dark corner. At least nobody talks about how I look there. I wanna curl up so nobody can see me.

Shet emo.

The thing about bullet blogs is its hard to throw in a sensible end to it. But then nothing seems to be making sense to me nowadays anyway. So in light of all the fear, sadness and confusion around me, I think its only fitting that I end this with the words of the late Francis Magalona.

Huwag ka mabahala
May nagbabantay sa dilim
Nag-aabang sa sulok at may
Hawak na patalim
Di ka hahayaan na muli pang masaktan
Huwag ka nang matakot sa dilim

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When Reality Comes Crashing Down on a Weekly Basis

Posted in mundaneity, patheticism

Nah, I'm not gonna write about it. Sorry folks. There are just so many things going on with me right now, it's complicated. I am too distracted to focus on what I want to say. All I can think about is her. This sucks.

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Message in a Bottle

Posted in patheticism

You.

I don't care if you read this anymore. I've had it. I have to let this out or else I'll pop a nerve in my brain. Seriously. No its not your fault, so if you're not interested in what I have to say then you can stop reading now.

Cheesy. I just know this is gonna be a really cheesy one.

I honestly forgot how this feels. It's been years since I felt this strongly about someone. About you. This isn't some last-ditch effort to make you change your mind. You've made your point very clear to me. I just don't think I can give up that easily is all. What can I say? I am stubborn.

Pain. Here comes the really sappy part. You felt pain, and I felt it too. I took a backseat when you made your choice, and I hate the thought that he just used you then tossed you aside like a rag doll. And he has the gall to ask you how you've been? I just don't get it.

Him.

I read your blog. I think I have a better understanding of what you're going through right now. I wish I could be there for you. I really do.

Me.

I want to believe I understand you but I don't. I know its just me. I keep twisting the truth around too much that I fail to see your real point. I know I've said this too many times, but I really am sorry. I didn't mean for us to end up like this. I was just doing what I felt was.. real.

...

2 comments »