Showing posts with label patheticism. Show all posts

Rain Bane

Posted in mundaneity, patheticism, subservience

Say what you want about the rain, like it being a melancholic symbol of sadness or a joyful shower of blessings from up high, for me it's the cause of my pain - at least for the past couple of days. Pain, not only because getting rained on had me shivering down to my boots and giving me the sniffles, but also because it's one heck of an inconvenience. Just when I thought I've made a hard-fought, psychological commitment to not be absent from work, this hits me. What's worse is I'm sure I'll get that angry unbelieving look from my boss again when I come back to the office. Oh boy.

On the other hand, this rain does seem fitting in a sick, cosmic kind of way. I do feel a bit disheartened, now that I had just found out that the hand I held so smoothly not so long ago had already been held by someone else. She's off the market, and the fight was over before I even had a chance. I guess it was for the better, though now I have to find some other way to keep myself going. Apparently, this dance was over ten prom nights ago.

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The Dance of Fools

Posted in mundaneity, patheticism, subservience

Here we are again for another edition of the "me, me, me" show. I was thinking of writing about stuff other than my own thoughts that was actually worth reading, unlike the 11-11-11 fiasco, but I came up with zilch. Nadah. So before I post another entry about sucky calendar dates, I've decided to go back to flinging my usual rants.

Last night marked our company's first solo Christmas party ever, and I have to say that despite the fact that I didn't win a single freakin' prize in the raffle, I still had a Glam-Slamming time at the event. Well, sort of. There was a second when I found myself surrounded by friends, reveling in a night filled with ~~crappy~~ good food and great music, with beautiful people dancing and prancing about, and yet I felt like I have never been more alone in my entire life. I realized I miss my old friends. I know that in life, friends tend to come and go, but my creepy current dance partner sort of sucks. He's a lazy, opportunistic sonofabitch that's just as screwed up as I am, (if not more screwed up than me) which is probably why we get along. He's also one of the biggest know-it-all's on the face of the planet. Sometimes I honestly just can't stand the guy. But still, that's more than I could say for some people.

I realize the fewer friends I've got, the fewer inside comments I can squeeze into this blog, so in time nobody will ever understand this piece of literary excrement that I'm shamelessly trying to shove down their pie-holes. That also means I'll have to start writing about stuff that's rated-PG, or things that everybody will appreciate. Oh boy. To be mundane is to sin.

As usual, I'm only making sense mostly to myself again. I think I'm falling under another depression spell, and I have to find a way to get around it or else. Maybe another dance? There! Another inside comment! And despite what you might think about the photo, I still hate Twilight.

"Her hands felt smooth as silk, and her eyes sparkled against the clear night sky. We danced, and it felt like magic. Not even the cold air could keep the warmth of her touch away. But as the song faded, so did my dreams."

1 comments »

All For A Life Well Written

Posted in feebility, mundaneity, patheticism

Am I truly a writer?

For years man had always found ways to recognize and immortalize history as it unfolded. From the dawn of human kind to the modern age of computers, from the prehistoric cave drawings and ancient sea scrolls to the Internet, man has always - albeit sometimes unreliably - been capable of keeping records of his works, his discoveries, his triumphs and defeats, and even the tiniest and seemingly most insignificant details of his life.

Evolution, as it really happened.

But writing isn't just about keeping records or documenting history. While it is true that writing is an efficient way of preserving facts and the chronology of events in history, writing also happens to be one of the most enduring arts that encompasses the originality and profoundness of man's imagination. It fosters creativity and allows one to reach into the deepest recesses of his thoughts, allowing him to translate ideas and turn them into words, prose, poem or lyric, which he can then share them with an interested audience.

I looked back at some of the topics that I had written about in the Stories from the Simian Crease, and while there are a few publish-worthy material which I am proud to say are of my own imagination and creativity, I noticed that many of the posts in this humble blog centered on me and the hum drums of everyday living, being me. It made me wonder about whether I had been maintaining a blog that was actually worth publishing or is this just an online public diary that barely requires any intellect for anybody to understand. And so I pondered deeply upon that thought, and my keyboard fell silent as I stared at the steady blinking of the mouse pointer on my screen. Should I even dare continue this whimsical yet overly dramatic attempt at literary greatness, or should I just admit defeat and accept mediocrity?

Someone once told me that the greatest novel any author could ever write is the story about his life. Unfinished for most of the author's existence, his life story consists of a series of events that reaches as far back as all his childhood memories will let him, and continues up to the present. No two individuals ever waltz through the exact same sequence of events in their individual lives, and it is this individuality of experiences that assures us that our life's novel will be unique, with all the makings of an epic best-seller to boot. If it is a crime to put the seemingly mundane and worldly routines of yours truly into writing, in an effort to create my own saga - my greatest story ever told - then I say strap them old cuffs onto my wrists and lock me away for good, because I intend to continue living and writing for as long as time and inspiration allow.

I only hope that by the time the twilight of my existence looms near I shall have already written the last few chapters of my life's novel. At that time I will face those people who have helped me finish writing the story of my life, along with those whom I have helped write theirs, and ask them with all humility...

Was I truly a writer?

3 comments »

Writing Blanks

Posted in mundaneity, patheticism

I don't know about you guys, but I've always thought of writing as a manifestation of life. It's how writers like yours truly convey thoughts on what used to be a simple blank sheet of paper. In time, pen strokes became key strokes and ink blots became pixels, but the basic concept remained the same. One could think of writing as a way of turning moments into mementos, and worlds into words.

These days however, I find myself writing blanks. Inspiration is a commodity that all writers thrive on. Without inspiration, the writer would might as well put his pen down for good. The problem is inspiration springs forth from life experiences, and there simply hasn't been anything in my life worth writing about recently.

So until I find enough reason to pursue this elusive dream, I will temporarily put my brush behind my ear, put the palette down on the ground, and just watch the sunset for a little while longer.

4 comments »

Small Talk

Posted in patheticism

Well the rain is starting to fall again. Just like me.

Now we don't have to suffer through that mind-melting heat too much. It feels awfully good to see rain again after a really, really long while. It's like summer overstayed its welcome and decided to extend its stay in the country. With temperatures reaching a so-ridiculous-it-ain't-even-funny-anymore high of 38 degrees Celsius, I personally wouldn't mind a heavy downpour every now and then.

I just hope we don't have to go through another Ondoy.

What would my posts be if I were to stop talking about my half-hearted attempts at finding happiness? I met an old high school sweetie and just to keep with the weather analogies, she looked oh so effin' hot. To my surprise, she happened to be single. So I immediately made my move to uh... well I don't know what exactly my moves were but uhm... well she's awesome and I'm stammering again. In other words, my dreams went pfffffft one more time.

Better start talking about the weather again.

3 comments »

Rolling with the Pink Punches

Posted in mundaneity, patheticism, subservience

Well, I am about to embark on another epic adventure. I'm out to get a job.

It's not that I'm done being an egotistical nuisance to society and all, but I could really use the moolah. Sure, I eat three square meals a day - okay they're more like dodecahedrons - but there are days when I can just pull a rabbit out of a hat better than I can pull money out of my pockets. Define "mostly broke", and that's me. And no, I can't even pull a single rabbit out of a hat. Seriously, who would put rabbits in their hats?

Last week I was reintroduced to an awesome drinking buddy, Rommel Cruz of the defunct music legend Put3ska. I have to say, the guy's great. He shared stories about the band that I dare not put in this blog for possible legal repercussions. So the group just exchanged ghost stories that spooked the ectoplasm out of our big old buddy Mickey. The fan in me regrets not having his picture taken with one of the greatest bassists the Philippines has ever had that night. Oh well.

Anyway, life's making another uncontrollable tailspin lately. I never thought I would put my life in the hands of a shallow creature who thinks that I'm not good enough for her because I have a few extra pounds on me. Then I realized she must really have a thing for that muscle-clad rhinoceros that sold his car to her, so I just shrugged my big over-sensitive shoulders. She bought a flimsy new ride, and I think she lied to me about knowing how to drive just like she lied to me about most other things. I can't believe I got into that death trap.

Oh well. I guess I live to wither and watch Glee another day.

Excellent GleeK job Essie-Hime! GleeK model: Furipi

2 comments »

Revenge of The Fallen Blogger

Posted in patheticism, sports TV and current events, subservience

Okay, so I've been away for a long time. I mean, a really long time. I know my avid readers - both of them - must've been wondrin' where I was. Well I got nothing. I am here as an absentee writer without an excuse. Sure, I was brooding about my miserable pseudo-existence, just like I always do. Let's just go with that.

So, it's been a while but I think I can cook up another one of my infamous bullet blogs. Insert figurative drum roll here.

The long hiatus started at around the time i got sick, and the doctors had to stab me with huge intramuscular needles in order to cure me. Sick how? Watch me chuck the answer to that question into that chest full of stuff I probably will never ever write about.

Then I got busy planning roadtrip after roadtrip. I, along with co-conspirators Emman and Cpie, held headquarters at Gerardo's along Panay Avenue. Emman was in charge of transportation, him being a proud owner of a Mazda 3... 23. A white Mazda 323. I took care of that small matter called finances, and Cpie... well, she slept in the car a lot but she was our official "Mang Rudy". She took photos for video-graphic evidence. We're still planning our next roadtrip but we had gone to Cavite a couple of weeks ago to visit our long-lost friend Dhax. More on this trip when Cpie finally gets our photos from that trip uploaded. Oh, and on the off-hand possibility that you're reading this, Florentino Guinguyon II, comment on this post with your complete address in Pampanga. You're next.

Okay moving on. If you're one of those chumps who followed the story of me and my obsession, here's the latest scoop: "Obsession who?". I've long buried this topic in that chest with a long name that I mentioned earlier.

After months of contemplating, I finally got around to reformatting my PC. Now if we could only reformat life.

I recently attended our company's annual summer getaway. It was the very first company-sponsored event I've ever been to, after a year of slavery. Anyway, it was fun mainly because it was raining booze. There was so much booze some literally washed their feet with it. How'd their feet get dirty? The event was held on a golf course, and it rained. There was mud everywhere. But really, I thought it was okay. I just wished they hadn't used plastic cups. I never got used to drinking beer from plastic cups.

I feel a little distant lately, especially from my own team mates. Its like I don't know them anymore. Maybe it's because I feel so sick and tired of what I do at work, that being with them's starting to become less and less of a reason to stay.

On a more positive note, I got to see Transformers 2: Revenge of The Fallen with my team mates earlier today. I enjoyed the movie so much I'm planning on watching it again. The movie must really be worth the watch if an indiscriminate torrent-freak like me sees it in the theaters twice. Now I don't want to put in any spoilers but here are a few tidbits: Megatron's back, there are more Transformers in this movie, Bonecrusher makes a cameo appearance (so what?), and lookout for the hilarious former Decepticons (in the movie, at least) Wheelie and Jetfire. I nearly bust a gut laughing at Wheelie's antics. The action scenes were incredibly awesome too. And of course, Megan Fox is hot as ever. Even when she's dirty.

See what I mean?

3 comments »

Road Trip

Posted in patheticism, road trips

I developed a new hobby - road tripping! Here's somebody I haven't seen in a while, our ever pasaway friend Cecille. This was taken at one of our road trips to Gerardo's.

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March! Attack! Run Away! Nod Your Head To The Beat.

Posted in geek speak, patheticism

I've rekindled a new interest lately. I picked up a copy of Patapon 2 (meaning I ripped it off somrbody's PSP via Adhoc), and started playing with my PSP again. It's been months since I finished the first Patapon, and I found the second installment completely entertaining. No I'm not here to write a review of the game, that's Lio's job (hek-hek). I just thought I'd write about how fascinated I am with it. It certainly took my mind off of things and made me sigh about Davao less frequently, but on the other hand I had only managed to read 7 chapters of The Deathly Hallows ever since I started nodding my head to beat of the Pon Pata song again. Oh well. Essie-Hime and Lio Loco better get their beats going 'coz I've got loads of practice with this thing. PON PON PATA PON!

Yes, the Patapons can fly now. They can jump too.

7 comments »

From Cab Rides And Broken Hearts

Posted in patheticism

"I just don't see myself liking you anytime soon."

It's pathetic how I keep getting into these types of situations. This is usually the part where I insert cheesy lines and cliches about that cruel thing called love, but not this time. Right now all I feel is anger and pity. Sadly, I have the pity gun pointed at my temple, cocked, locked and ready to pull the trigger. If there's one person to blame for all this pain and suffering it's me.

But was I wrong? All I did was be honest about it. Was it really my fault? If loving and caring about somebody is a crime, then lock me up and throw away the gawdamn keys officer. I'm tired of having to pick up the pieces every time this happens. I want to disappear. I want to stay as far away from you as possible. But there's no greater distance than when I'm right next to you and you don't even see how I feel. Sorry, cheese just gushed out of my eye sockets.

Here comes the sarcasm. One day I'm gonna learn how to write sans consequence, without having to worry about who can read my posts. Maybe then everything will start making sense to me. Look, I'm sorry if I'm not good enough for you. This is just how I am. If you couldn't accept that and look beyond the physical then maybe you're not as ideal as I thought you were.

Forgive me, I just had to vent. Maybe I need a therapist. Maybe I need a good lay. Maybe I need a bottle of beer. Too many maybe's. Life is full of uncertainties.

One thing though is clear to me now. We don't deserve each other. I don't deserve this. Boy, these grapes are sour. Hopefully this ends here. Fuck this, screw hope. I'm ending this now.

By the way, that picture of an MGE taxi that transforms into a big robot had absolutely nothing to do with this post.

2 comments »

Reboot

Posted in patheticism

Another reboot.

I'm lost, as usual. Consider this an indirect response. I would like to believe that I understood you, but you're turning out to be quite a mystery. I humbly and sincerely apologize if I have been a little over-zealous. I won't even try to make excuses for my behavior.

I did not write this to express frustration towards you. Heck, I don't think you even read my blog. Besides, despite what other people think I know what you've been through. And I know its not easy. I may not have been able to show you how much I care about you, but trust me i do. I want to make sure you're alright.

I've told you how I feel, and you've told me how you feel. And I agree, it's not the right time. I don't know if it ever will be the right time, but I've waited this long, haven't I? What's a few more weeks, months even. Easy. But seriously though, you asked for time and I'm giving it. Not that it was mine to give in the first place.

I'm rambling again, sorry.

Don't take this the wrong way, but I am not just being friendly. I like you and I want you to be my girl. And I have absolutely no intentions of disappointing you. But who am I kidding? I know I'm not much to look at. So don't worry. I understand.

I just hope we can look past this. By the way, I really do appreciate you being nice to me and all. Thank you. I know how you hate the dramatics but I just had to say that.

I'll also try to make this the last post I'll ever write about you. I have to remember how to think straight again.

Take care of yourself, alright?

4 comments »

More Cheese

Posted in patheticism

"As I was sitting here staring at the screen wondering what the first few words of this post were going to be, I realized all I could think about was you."

It's amazing how one person can completely change the way you look at life. Normally I would be this brooding teenager full of angst and pent-up emotions. The "teenager" part of that last sentence is not to be taken literally, of course. But whenever she's around things just seem so much brighter and I feel like absolutely nothing can go wrong with my day.

She smiles at me and I wish time stood still.

We spent a few hours together at the mall the other day. She let me carry her bag for the first time. If you could just see how wide this grin is! We ate, and had a few laughs about "short" puns and revenge. Then I took her home - her home, silly - and I met her Mom. Everything was so perfect. Peachy.

But then nothing's perfect.

We have both been quite honest about how we feel for each other. I tell her how much I enjoy being with her and how much I like her. She tells me not to keep my hopes up too much. As much as I'd like to say she's my girl and that I would do everything to protect her, I can't, because she isn't. But I'm working on it.

For now though, I'll let nature take its course. I'm okay with this - this thing that we have, whatever it is. Whatever happens next, I'll let fate decide.

6 comments »

Happy Birthday Binchee!

Posted in patheticism, sad thoughts

Despite the Holy Week, some of my friends remembered that today marked the day that I was born. I completely understand if you couldn't make it to my birthday. That photo above shows how much food there was. I mean, how pathetic can you be? Thanks to my friends at Sitel, Zee and Cazz - they made it feel like it wasn't a complete loss. Thanks Lio Loco for just simply being there. Lastly, I thank God for the last 30 years that He has been taking care of me. I know I have had my flaws, but I want to make a fresh start. Its been three decades. I think its about time I start living. Its so sad.

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Trepidations

Posted in patheticism

Choices.

I have a decision to make. I keep asking myself if I'm doing the right thing or not. But then I realize, the perennial question of right or wrong is rather subjective. What's wrong for me may be right for someone else. That thought didn't make things easier at all. I started keeping myself busy with other matters when I decided to let go of a certain obsession, whose details again I will not disclose. While I enjoy the distraction, I can't help but feel that something's missing. Now I don't know if I want to stay distracted or if I want to return to what I started.

Apprehension.

If I had it my way, I'd go back to obsessing and hope that she'd finally say yes. I know my distraction would only go on for so long. Eventually, I'm gonna have to move forward. You see, I sort of got myself into another complicated mess in an effort to keep my thoughts away from my obsession. It was fun at the start, but now I'm slowly beginning to realize where my heart really is. I just don't know what to do now. Or maybe I know what I want to do, but I just don't have the balls to do it.

Doubt.

That's just it. I don't think I have the guts to take what I want. I simply do not have what it takes. This is my true enemy.

Regret.

I know I shouldn't have started this mess. But I already did, so I have to get myself out of this somehow. In fact, there are so many things I wish I hadn't done but did, and I haven't completely gotten over some of them. But haven't we all?

Confusion.

My head's in a blender. So many thoughts, so few words. I know this post makes very little sense to most of you, forgive me. Discretion got the better part of me tonight. I am losing it. Heck, I'm losing a lot of things lately, not just my sanity. I've lost sight of a lot of things, some of them I am not willing to talk about just yet. I hope the dust settles soon.

Hope.

Despite everything that's been running roughshod in my head I still have some level of optimism. I know I'll move heaven and earth to get what I want, as soon as I figure out what that is.

Fear.

Like always, hope brings fear because there is doubt. But that's the risk I know I have to take. Again, life is all about making choices. And I'm afraid to make bad ones. That voice inside me tells me not to make a decision and just sit still but then...

...what fun would that be?

4 comments »

Bullet Blog! Bullet Blog!

Posted in mundaneity, patheticism

Since I can't think of a meaningful and interesting story to write about tonight, I'm posting another one of my infamous bullet blogs. What's a bullet blog? Beats me. That's just a term I coined for blog posts that border incoherence because I talk about different topics at once. It's like a list of things on my mind - without the actual bullet points.

So I got sick a lot of times this month. Heck. For a fat dude, I sure ain't healthy.

As I mentioned in my previous post, I gave up on an obsession - for now, at least. Now I'll practice my evil grin.

I also found out the hard way that Binangonan, Rizal is a very far place. But it was well worth the trip. What kind of mess have I gotten myself into now. I'll probably talk about this and my other misadventures in a future post. Hush-hush for now.

This year marks my 30th birthday. Yes folks, thirty. No I'm not lying. Lying to you guys would be like lying to a mollusk - it's pointless. I wish the cliche said life begins at 30 and not 40. I don't think I can wait ten more years.

I'm not happy with this post at all, but I got to keep my brain working somehow. I'm gonna hit the hay now. I have to wake up early for that thing I dread the most - work.

Good night!

0 comments »

Blind Item!

Posted in happy thoughts, mundaneity, patheticism

Aha! At kanino nanaman nakikipagpalitan ng mukha ang gagong to!? Nyahaha. Talaga nga naman oh. Ayoko na nga uminom!

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Curtains

Posted in mundaneity, patheticism

It's funny how the end of one thing can really be just that - the end of something. I tend to read into things too deeply that I often overlook the obvious. I keep trying to read between the lines even when there are no encrypted clues or non-verbal subliminal messages being thrown at me. I suppose it comes from being half-human and half-paranoid. I know it's been a long time coming, but at the same time I always knew the end was staring me right in the face. Maybe sometimes, "no" really does mean "no".

Going back to the purpose of this post, I am unceremoniously ending a six-month obsession and I am startled by the subtlety of it all. I mean, no fireworks, no melodramatic music, no action-filled fight scenes. It just ends here. It's not that it deserves all the attention, oh no. I hate being in the spotlight. I'm just suddenly left with this empty feeling, just like an over-used cliche.

I feel like a writer with nothing to write about.

All that waiting, and the only thing I got to show for myself is my propensity for being extremely patient. I guess it was fun while it lasted, whatever it was. But I have to move forward now. From this day forward, I vow never to stare at her when she's smiling, never to think about her all day. But who am I kidding. Its time to drop the curtains and walk away from the stage, its over folks.

2 comments »

Home Says the Sphygmo

Posted in infuriatum, mundaneity, patheticism, subservience

My 4-day vacation just got preempted when I was sent home by our company nurse one hour into my shift today. It was the last day of the week for me because my vacation leave starts tomorrow. I took a few calls and then I felt this excruciating pain in my nape and I suspected I was having another hypertension attack. Turns out I was right. While I do not hide the fact that I am a stage-two hypertensive, I am ashamed to admit that I have had difficulty managing my health. Nobody has to tell me twice; weight management and regular exercise. Sadly, I seem to regularly avoid exercise, and I have managed to gain weight at an alarming rate. Believe me, its not fun at all and I am genuinely concerned. This is what I meant in one of my earlier posts when I said I wanted a complete turn-around. I know I have got to change the way I live my life and cut down on some of the bad stuff, like drinking and smoking. But I know its gonna take a lot of patience, discipline and time. So friends, wish me luck. Or at least come to my funeral.

In other news, it's been just almost twelve hours into my extended vacation and I am already utterly bored. I just have this gut feeling that my streak of rest-day dates have come to an abrupt end. I'm starting to think she's another one of those "bad stuff" that I should cut down on.

If there's one bad thing I'd like to completely get out of my system, it's stress. Especially work-related stress. I can't get rid of work obviously; and since "work-related stress" implies that there will be certain levels of stress at work, then I guess I'll have to find a way to deal with it. But even thinking about how to fight stress itself stresses me. Now my head hurts. When I think about how that next call's gonna come in the next ten, twenty seconds or so it really ticks me off. I mean, we've barely had time to breathe and forget about that last moron we helped connect to the internet and here comes Mrs. Nguyen asking why her email doesn't work. Why can't we have avail times like before? Is it too much to ask for a breather in between calls? They keep blaming absenteeism but the way I see it, they should have anticipated that. They should have had a safety net, and not have just enough agents on the floor. Then they add more calls to the queue despite having an already depleted head count. People are literally starting to get sick because of all that stress. Then the clever folks in control get calls that should have been routed over to some other call center! What the fuck's up with that? But then again who am I to complain. I'm just a cog in the machinery. Pardon the call center jargon, but until somebody convinces me otherwise, or at least sensibly explains to me why they do what they do I will continue to rant and stress over this. I don't mean to whine but I think it has really gone too far. Add to that the pressures of having to keep up with metrics. To be honest, just this week I have been so close to taking my headsets off in the middle of my shift and walking away for good, twice. I just don't know how long I can keep taking this abuse anymore. This really sucks.

They say change is the only permanent thing in this world. They didn't say change was gonna come easy. I know that part of the solution would be for me to change my perspective, how I look at the big picture so to speak. And I agree with that. But there's a very thin line between changing one's perspective and turning a blind eye to the truth. I will not simply close my eyes and say everything is hunky-dory when all hell is breaking loose. Hell no.

So I'm going to see a cardiologist this Friday. I sure hope he knows how to fix perspectives.

2 comments »

Truth for Breakfast

Posted in infuriatum, patheticism, sad thoughts

I'm breaking away from tradition. I won't be cross-blogging this post over to Multiply, because I feel that whatever it is I'm doing right now just isn't working. It's 7:19 in the morning and on a day like this you would normally find me snoring the morning off, but not today. Here I am staring at my screen half-hoping it would just suck the life out of me. It's now 7:22, and I think I'm having a bad morning.

I was out with her again last night. Sigh.

Yes, I sighed. I know I should be happy. Not today. I think I'm starting to realize the truth about me and her. There is no me and her. Reality bites Wynona. Its not like she hasn't said it though. In fact, she's turned me down two or three times already. I'm just too much of an ~~idiot~~ optimist to know when "no" means "no".

I met a friend of hers, and in keeping up with The Challenge I was hoping I could make a good impression. I think I failed miserably. This is gonna be tougher than I thought.

In every struggle there comes a point where you suddenly find yourself doubting. I think I'm at that point now. The smarter side of me tells me its time I take a hint, and see that she clearly isn't interested. I think I'm finally starting to listen. I wanna bash my head in.

I just feel so depressed. I'm sorry if I can't lighten up the mood around here. I'm honestly tired of writing about this, but I just have to get it out somehow. I need to talk to somebody. I need to wake up to the truth. It's now 7:49 AM. The drama continues. Waking up to a heavy heart is not fun, I can tell you that.

Tigilan na nga ang kalokohang 'to. Tang ina talaga bad trip.

3 comments »

Random Nothings

Posted in funky music, mundaneity, patheticism

Yep you read the title - another bullet blog.

I told my buddy Lio Loco I wouldn't blog about the death of Francis M. So I won't. If I did, I would've said I felt sad because like Sir Kiko I too am a musician wannabe)and former drug user (has-been). But I said I wouldn't write about that, so I won't.

I really want to get one of those Mikropono shirts by FMCC though.

I've been thinking a lot lately, and thinking has never been one of my best talents. I want a complete turn-around. Its high time I started making something out of this pathetic existence. I uh... just haven't figured out what to make of it yet.

The Challenge continues. I honestly don't think I'll really get anywhere with this, but being the egotistical blockhead that I am, I'm not giving up that easily.

Appearances. Why do people look at me like that? Society dictates that aesthetics is humanity's popularity barometer. You just have to look good to get noticed. If you're fat and ugly, you get noticed too but for all the wrong reasons. Cruel, but true. But who wants to be popular anyway? Hypocrites.

Haha, sour-graping.

Its funny how I try to waltz around a particular topic I want to write about. I'm just afraid she might stumble upon my page one day and read all the incoherent thoughts about her that spill from my love-sick head into pixels forming into letters that spell words that can never really put across what I want to say to her anyway. It doesn't make sense, I know.

The infernal heat must be getting to my head. Look up, I was talking about this head. Curse my lucky shades.

Razon's halo-halo really is the best in town. She looked so sweet. I mean, the halo-halo was sweet.

I am dying to go out of town. Or at least take a dip in a pool. I want to go swimming on a regular basis. Kalbong Intsik, help me out!

I feel sad that the forum's been awfully quiet lately. There used to be new posts each day, but now every time I visit I just see me. What's up with you people?

I need a break. I need to be away from it all for a while. I miss my dark corner. At least nobody talks about how I look there. I wanna curl up so nobody can see me.

Shet emo.

The thing about bullet blogs is its hard to throw in a sensible end to it. But then nothing seems to be making sense to me nowadays anyway. So in light of all the fear, sadness and confusion around me, I think its only fitting that I end this with the words of the late Francis Magalona.

Huwag ka mabahala
May nagbabantay sa dilim
Nag-aabang sa sulok at may
Hawak na patalim
Di ka hahayaan na muli pang masaktan
Huwag ka nang matakot sa dilim