Trepidations  

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Choices.

I have a decision to make. I keep asking myself if I'm doing the right thing or not. But then I realize, the perennial question of right or wrong is rather subjective. What's wrong for me may be right for someone else. That thought didn't make things easier at all. I started keeping myself busy with other matters when I decided to let go of a certain obsession, whose details again I will not disclose. While I enjoy the distraction, I can't help but feel that something's missing. Now I don't know if I want to stay distracted or if I want to return to what I started.

Apprehension.

If I had it my way, I'd go back to obsessing and hope that she'd finally say yes. I know my distraction would only go on for so long. Eventually, I'm gonna have to move forward. You see, I sort of got myself into another complicated mess in an effort to keep my thoughts away from my obsession. It was fun at the start, but now I'm slowly beginning to realize where my heart really is. I just don't know what to do now. Or maybe I know what I want to do, but I just don't have the balls to do it.

Doubt.

That's just it. I don't think I have the guts to take what I want. I simply do not have what it takes. This is my true enemy.

Regret.

I know I shouldn't have started this mess. But I already did, so I have to get myself out of this somehow. In fact, there are so many things I wish I hadn't done but did, and I haven't completely gotten over some of them. But haven't we all?

Confusion.

My head's in a blender. So many thoughts, so few words. I know this post makes very little sense to most of you, forgive me. Discretion got the better part of me tonight. I am losing it. Heck, I'm losing a lot of things lately, not just my sanity. I've lost sight of a lot of things, some of them I am not willing to talk about just yet. I hope the dust settles soon.

Hope.

Despite everything that's been running roughshod in my head I still have some level of optimism. I know I'll move heaven and earth to get what I want, as soon as I figure out what that is.

Fear.

Like always, hope brings fear because there is doubt. But that's the risk I know I have to take. Again, life is all about making choices. And I'm afraid to make bad ones. That voice inside me tells me not to make a decision and just sit still but then...

...what fun would that be?

4 comments

Well I guess it’s true when they say that in this world there are so many questions yet the answers are so few. I guess what matters most is that you are happy with your decisions and you feel fulfilled on what you have done. Be ready to take the consequences of the bad decisions and learn from it. Lastly, don’t forget me when you think of having a drink….hahahaha!!!!

pak dat shit. iba ang naiisip ko sa shutterbug mo. wahahaha!

at iba rin ang naiisip ko habang binabasa ko post mo. ung 5 signs of death ang naiisip ko - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.

odd. hahaha.

@wacky: thanks bro! don't worry pag-inum ko ng cobra energy drink i'll think of you! hahaha! pero d nga, kelangan na natin mag-lasheng! bday naten!

@lio: odd comment for an odd post. the shutterbug has served its purpose hehe. san ka nakkita ng promiscuous na photo ng walis? i trumped those 5 signs hehe. i made 7. inuman na lio loco!

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Stories from the Simian Crease by Binchee is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Philippines License.
Based on a work at binchee.blogspot.com